#but then again… I do need the motivation to do smth bigger

[ballisters-lawyer]

Do I write a short few chapter homoerotic sparring fic to motivate myself or do I just jump straight into “a little death” and make you guys wait a bunch until we finally get to the homoerotic sparring?

[streamdotpng]

honestly i love how i start doing some world building for an edit that takes like 20 seconds :')

anyways.. so, yknow that poe cup fic that scorpion recommended? the one where enid had to transfer bc nevermore didn't suit esther's standards and she changes bc of the environment?

Yeah, this is my au take on it. There's omegaverse themes but they're used to categorize the roles and builds of werewolves instead of smth sexual here. I meant it when i said i was delving into the more violent themes! so do watch out for those

now, you're probably asking, tie collar? muzzle? Bracers? what're those for?

Here's the thing, wolves don't use their claws to fight. They mainly use their teeth. As said in the photo, its usual for random physical spats to appear and teachers generally don't mind as long as it was to settle an issue and isn't just a waste of air.

There must be a motive in your attack, in your violence, else you are nothing more than a rabid animal and werewolves are supposed to be better than that.

So, the collar tie? its short on purpose so it wont be taken advantaged off in fights and is generally grabbed by the leader of your assigned pack for discipline. Its tie is clipped onto the collar so you can't suffocate like one does with an actual tie (since yknow, you pull it to make it tighter)

Its also easy to remove when a fight does happen

The collars of both the collar and shirt is purposefully high to make sure that no tempted werewolf can leave a mark around the neck and deal a fatal wound. Or in the very rare occasion, force a mating bite.

It isn't shown here but to even remove the collar, you'd need to flip the collar of the shirt and unbluckle it like a belt. it sounds easy sure, but when you're in a fight, it isn't so well executed. Its made purposefully hard to remove in a short amount of time and is rather durable against claws

The bracers are made of similar material! Their main purpose is to serve as a block against any surprise attacks, like how people in the police would train their dogs to attack but have an arm brace to protect their arm

its exactly like that!

My ass forgot to mention about the muzzle but they're there for students off campus! Since normies are still bigger in population, it's rather obvious that you're from that school. To keep them (normies) calm from the sight of outcasts, werewolves are told to wear the muzzles. The muzzles well.. Muzzle is long, so that means any posturing is cut short because distance is made from both werewolves. It's also there to make sure that a provoked werewolf in public can't do much harm other than scratch

Its mostly a publicity stunt but can be a disadvantage during fights or a punishment in general.

now, onto the dynamics of this school.

Omegas are usually the medics, and there's only one in a school issued pack. Betas are your scouts, they're your surveillance and info gathers, usually very flexible in roles but not as strong. You have like two to three! Lastly we have alphas, they're the ones taking the lead and the main physical prowess. There's only one in a school issued pack.

Now, you're probably wondering wtf? school issued pack? aren't you only supposed to have a pack with people you're closed too? Yes! that is true but this is a school, a private military school and teamwork is one of main values. Life isn't comfy and you'll need to learn to adapt with your coworkers whether you like it or not. If it helps, school packs only last for a semester unless they do really well in the finals. Only then will the school give an exception for the group to form again for the next semester

Now, you're probably wondering

where tf is enid in this au and why tf is she in this school?

Esther means well. I love a good ol esther is a horrible parent but she simply sounds like she grew up with her own values and tends to enforce it bc she's the mother and obviously she knows better. its irritating yes, but she seems easily influenced to more shadier practices as long as the end goal is met (which is enid shifting)

since the goal of enid shifting has already been met and the news broke that her daughter could've died due to nevermore and jericho's negligence, esther's mind latched onto Enid's growth as a werewolf and her safety.

Like other similar parents, she pulled her kids out. But murray argued otherwise, that surely nevermore will get better but esther wasn't so sure, not when theres a literal sign that her daughter was close to death stares right at her in the face (the scar)

so they compromised! Esther pulls enid out and her brothers get to finish their schooling.

In her search for better suited schools to help her lowkey socially behind in werewolf customs daughter, she stumbles across Werewolf military school and enrolls enid there

Obviously enid tried to argue, she's been in nevermore since she was thirteen! you can't just pull her out, not when she finally felt right. But mother knows best and enid is shipped to go through their second semester anyways

anywaysss, enid here imprinted on wednesday during that hug and so she's lowkey going through seperation anxiety during her time apart! She really could've fit in easily, her happy desposition and the way she acts would've landed her as a very valuable healer/omega but her imprinting leaves her agitated and easily provoked. Doesn't help that she's been bottling up her aggression at home and now that she's outside and in a new place...

well, what happens happens

because of this, she gets pegged as an alpha instead and with it comes responsibilities that enid can't ignore. Due to this, her needing to bleach her hair? ignored. Her colorful clothing? shoved to the side in favor for the uniform and the fact that with how physical the school is, she needs something more durable

overall, being an alpha is stressful and the fact that she's so far away from wednesday makes it worse (even if she doesn't know)

She goes through the school year in a daze, gains a reputation that she's too busy to acknowledge and finishes it with an aching in her lungs and new scars stinging along her body. She expect the same thing to happen for the new school year but something is different, there's news about an event and it has enid blinking

an.. international event? about outcast schools gathering for a tournament in the name of sportsmanship and connections

When she pushes herself to the front, for the first time in nearly a year, Enid Sinclair smiles

why? because in one of the schools listed to participate, Nevermore stands right with them

and with nevermore, comes the one Wednesday Addams that she's been longing for

-

also funfact! since this werewolf military school values privacy and exclusivity, no one is allowed to have their phone or similar esque gadgets during the school year. Want to contact your parents? You have to make an appointment with the school to call through a landline phone

its just.. so disheartening when Wednesday wasn't at all replying to her messages during the semester break. Her last few messages was when she complained about how she couldn't go back to nevermore and when that isn't enough to have her reply...

yeah

it didn't help different school means different starting of semester so enid could barely enjoy her week before she got shipped for her second semester

Enid has reached out to yoko, but the vampire has mentioned going off the grid due to a family vacation and she didn't want to bother her bestie with her distress. She's sure she's lowkey overreacting anyways, like it sucks to move schools but surely they could still keep in touch?

and honestly! enid thought she could've given her vampire friend updates during the school but then her phone gets confiscated and she gets swepted up with the rising stress and values of this school and-

yeah, she's been so busy that she forgot

its just this strict routine of waking up at this early time and getting back at this late time

the only reason wednesday couldn't leave her mind is the imprinting and the feeling of being abandoned and how little their friendship must've been for her not to reply. But then Enid smacks herself bc ofcourse not! there's no way, wednesday just sucked at using a phone is all

..right?

oh whatever, its hard to think much when theres a fist going towards her face anyways

aight okay, thats all my rambles for today! do tell me if youre interested bc this has been simmering in my head since this morning

[lildoodlenoodle]

Something we see as the noir comics progress is a return to or a bad forced reflection to the 616 universe, but the noir characters are fairly different, with different life experiences, and motivations than their 616 counterparts. By forcing the same relationships and dynamics onto these characters we get a picture that doesn’t make sense, because they are not the same characters, and, ultimately leads to, lazy and bad writing. This is most evident to me in the romantic relationships, specifically the noir spideycat relationship.

Ok so, they have Peter, who’s implied to be a teenager in the 16-19 range(likely on the younger end of that), and the writers have him sleep with Felicia Hardy, an adult, who is implied to be anywhere in the 30s-50s range(likely in early to mid 40s), his boss and sudo father figure’s (who died 8 months ago)ex long term partner/girlfriend. And this is how they draw Peter’s reaction to her coming onto him:

GIRL he looks HORRIFIED and shocked why why why. Ughhhhh. I genuinely cannot tell what type of emotion they were going for. And the only people I’ve seen talk about this specific reaction were like ‘That is the reaction of a panicking gay man’ which maybe, but also A CHILD.

Then, the reaction the morning after also kills me cause Peter’s like ‘so we’re boyfriend-girlfriend now’ because he genuinely thinks that’s how that works and Felicia laughs at him cause she knows damn well it isn’t. That really highlights to me the difference in maturity, vulnerability, and age inbetween these two and it killllssss meeeee.

AND ITS NOT EVEN IN CHARACTER FOR FELICIA! In like Ultimates(?), 20 smth her kisses masked teenage Peter but after he mentions being in high school she freaks the fuck out! And has a general reaction of disgust! Like ‘Ew OMG I cannot believe I kissed a High Schooler’ and then she leaves!(and her noir design and story was so cool, like she wasn’t the black cat she was the WHITE WIDOW and an entrepreneur and it was so cool and THEY DESTROYED IT ALL FOR A BAD ‘LOVE’ STORY(there’s also the whole MJ Felicia lover foil but different post same vein))

Cause I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, the writers either forgot what their ages were, didn’t care about the implications, or didn’t understand what the implications were of having a teenager sleep with a middle aged woman. And maybe part of it is the teenage boy and his friend’s hot mom or hot teacher gag/trope we see a lot in media that is considered to be more socially acceptable than if the genders were reversed. And I hate the general disregard for this sort of thing. Cause grooming and sleeping with older people as a teenager does cause trauma and does change how you build and handle future romantic, and especially, sexual relationships!

Tbh this one of the bigger problems I have with basically all of the Spider-Man Noir comics, they give Peter(and MJ) all this trauma and complicate relationships in certain ways and then they never talk about it or do anything with it as if it doesn’t affect them AT ALL or didn’t EVEN HAPPEN. It’s undeniable that a lot of, not only the trauma, but why the trauma isn’t talked about is because of the need for the 616 parallels.

[danothan]

hi i’d like to deconstruct one of the jason todd songs ever (ft. the bipolar jason agenda)

“It's fucking sad that we need a tragedy to occur to gain a fresh perspective in our lives. Nothing happens for a reason, there's no point even pretending, you know the sad truth as well as I.”

jason’s death had no purpose. he wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t a martyr, it was a pointless death in a long line of many. the tragedy of it was that it didn’t have to happen, and that’s why he blames batman for not killing the joker. it wasn’t his dying that he was upset abt, it’s that batman let the joker continue that long line of death

“Oh god, the morning light sun rays bring my paranoia. I can't function unless I'm the only one awake.”

jason works alone, puts himself at a distance. this line frames it less as a choice tho, as if it’s other ppl that are unpredictable factors, as if he’s unable to put his trust in ppl again

“Rancor of our last conversation, that forbidden word you deform to handicap me, then abuse your advantage.”

the forbidden word here is probably “love.” bruce’s problem is that he isn’t much of a talker, he doesn’t express his love in a way that jason needs. the incongruence between his actions and his words “handicaps” jason, puts him at a disadvantage as he reaches out for bruce’s approval. it speaks volumes that the narrator doesn’t say “the forbidden word” either

“Because your eyes are an agent of darkness. There's nothing to fight. It's just a bit of fait accompli.”

going off from that last line, talking to bruce is like talking to a wall. jason sees nothing left in bruce’s eyes; to him, there is no more grief or hope. the “fait accompli” is that bruce has moved on, but even beyond that, it’s jason’s death as a whole. there’s no option left but to accept that everything has changed

“I spend my waking hours haunting my life. I made the one I love start crying tonight, and it felt good. Still there must be a more elegant solution. Lately I'm rotted in the filth of self-offered agonies that really should fill me with shame, but all I have is this manic energy.”

tbh i don’t rly have anything to add here, i just love the death imagery of ghosts and rot, as well as the mania and self-sabotage of it all. very jasoncore

“I lost my page in being the black stamped disciple in your heart collage. Just want to celebrate me. Need to suffer more.”

robin status revoked! he knows he had his flaws, but he was devoted not only to batman but also to bruce. it’s a mix of feeling like he wasn’t enough as well as doing all that he could. at the emotional core of jason’s motives, he wants to be understood and appreciated. his suffering is a fruitless search for closure, smth he puts himself thru bc he thinks he deserves it. he suffers to make up for himself

“Face our puerility. Converts officiate. Divides new stratagems to disembowel our quotidien characters.”

good lord listening to any of montreal song forces you to pull out the dictionary. i Think what this line is saying is that they have to face their pasts to learn and destroy who they know themselves to be, and only then can they move on. jason saying this to bruce doubles as a taunt: “i’m not the kid you remember anymore.”

“I know I'm upside down about you. Your kindness feels like blasphemy or some sick education on the limits of humanity, so I profane the laws of some Victorian garbage.”

jason and batman have the same goals: they want what’s best for gotham. he feels “upside down” abt bruce bc they were in it together as batman and robin, he taught him everything he knew. but the closer the goals, the bigger the differences feel. that’s why it feels especially blasphemous that batman’s no-kill rule is for the sake of humanity. jason views bruce’s sense of justice as smth sick, ineffective, old-school. it’s “victorian garbage.” his so-called mercy is what got jason killed

to be clear, this is all in jason’s pov. i don’t think he’s as spiteful or cruel as this song makes him out to be, but i think it carries the kind of self-deprecation that he Does view himself thru. and the bitterness definitely reflects his emotions, as well as the back-and-forth between his smug call-outs vs desperate attempts at closure/vindication. i would even say they’re one and the same

tldr; jason todd is bipolar, of montreal diagnosed him

[derekgoffard]

If you are comfortable with it ( and ONLY if you're comfortable DO NOT do anything you DON'T want to do) but 😶 can we get nsfw alphabet for Colin maybe????? Mayhaps

(Again if you're not comfy DELETE THIS ASK no one will know 🤫)

UHAUHS Thank u for ur ask aguuhs!! This was such a nice way to word this I'm- 🥺🥺 thank u for being so nice about this ask this is honestly so sweet 🥺😭😭😭❤️❤️

ALSO Im very very un-practiced in writing nsft stuff so this is more jot notes then atcual writing lol,, ( nsft under cut , tw drugging ) Gvvyvh gghh

NSFW Alphabet:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hes pretty good!, if he's not too exhausted himself he'll run around his apartment grabbing blankets and pillows for his partner lol! He'd ideally love to cuddle up with them after sex and watch a movie or smth but he will do whatever they want generally lol, he probably doesn't wanna leave them alone tho- hes real clingy afterwards 😔

B = Body Part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He will tell them their hands if they ask BUT THATS A LIE LOL his favorite area of their body is probably their waist lol,,,,( if his partner has breasts it might be them too😤) his favorite part about himself is probably his hands; hes not a suppper confident guy but he likes how his hands are shaped and he loves how his fake nails give his fingers a longer look lol.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Very average, probably cums a little less then most people LOLGYD

D = Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

HE SECRETLY WANTS TO SLIP THEM AN APHRODISIAC OR SMTH H H H HH he would never do that ESPECIALLY if he's built an atcually genuine relationship with them BUT. The idea just gets him goin vvf hhh he also probably would want to record it too, like one of those pov blowjob kinda things HHHHHH vhubbu

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

HES A VIRGIN 😭😭😭😭😭 hes had alot of practice on toys and he's watched alot of porn but with irl experience,,,he got none 😔

F = Favorite Position (this goes without saying)

Ye old doggy style and pretzel dip... He'd prefer to be on top but he's a true switch at heart,, he's also into cowgirl ( bottom ) if his partner is smaller and cowgirl (top) if his partner is bigger/has a dick/strap on

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's not serious at all lol! He might get kinda ? Creepy tho?? As in he might go real quiet and feel them up a bit but in general he's super nervous abt it so he appreciates a partner who makes light of the whole thing! It'll make him feel better 🥺

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He trims often!, He has a tuff of hair down there but in general he's pretty well groomed, he would never have the balls to try and bleach anywhere near his dick so it's his og hair color ( brown )

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can get pretty intimate/romantic if his partner is! For him to even have sex he would probably need a good relationship with his partner; he's been lonely for so long and for him to finally have someone who he can be romantic with makes him very emotional lol!! If he gets romantic during sex he'll go really slow and probably would want to hold their hand during it lol

J = Jack Off (masturbation headcanon)

Jacks off a moderate amount; at least once a day;....he watches alot of hentai and cosplay pornos,, he also reads alot of smut lol

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He's pretty kinky in general but his big ones are cosplay , bondage and overstimulation 😔😔😔 ideally he would like to do them all at the same time LOL. he's really into overstimulation with toys in particular 😡😔 he definitely has a thing for leaving his partner tied up the whole day on a vibrator while their in some skimpy outfit or smth hvqvyq H H😔😔 when he gets back he might wanna take a picture of them all exhausted to jerk off to later ygyvvggggg 😔😔😔😔😞😞😞

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Da bedroom..., he's pretty nervous and insecure abt this kinda stuff ( especially in the beginning) so he'd feel best somewhere secure and private; ...he's secretly got a thing for a blowjob in a public area or smth tho lol

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Colin is a simple man at heart; skimpy/sexy outfits turn him on alot, especially if it's smth he made/picked out for them 😞 showing sexual interest in him will turn him on too, aka just flirt with him LOL

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

degradation of any kind; he might be able to degrade someone if they asked for it but in no circumstances will he ever want that for himself lol,, it completely shuts him down

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

FFFFFF HAS A THING FOR FACE FUCKING LOL he would give his right arm for someone to give him oral 😭 it's a super big turn on for him and he probably fantasizes abt it alot😔 I imagine him being really into trying to give oral too; his braces will probably fuck it up alot tho 😔😔

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace really depends on his mood lol; if he's feeling romantic he'll go slower and won't use any toys or anything; however 90% of the time he's gonna spend most of the duration on foreplay which gets him all riled up so when he atcually stars da fuckin he'll be pretty pent up and desperate about it😔 so on average he's going pretty fast hhh

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Likes them in concept but not in practice; he fantasizes alot about a quickie some public space like a bathroom or smth but in reality he could never do smth like that HA😔

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He doesn't take any TRUE risks, he's open to try basically anything but he won't do anything where someone could catch them in the act

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last for a while! He has a bit more stamina then an average person I'd say, however he crashes hard after pushing himself that far lol,,

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

HAS A LOT OF TOYS LOL, he has at least one of any toy that's on the market basically LOL😭😭, he bought them all in the cutest colors they were available in so they still fit his asthetic lol; at first he only bought a few ones for himself but owning so many made him feel really cool so he just kept going LOL

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Likes to tease alot; really into the whole bondage, vibrator torture, orgasm denial thing lol,,,hes not really into being teased himself tho😠 ( he is selfish 😠😠😠)

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's atcually pretty quiet! He yelps a bit mabye ;

W = Wild Card (a random headcanon for the character)

He can space off sometimes during sex and will start doing weird creepy shit lol, (especially if their wearing an outfit) he might start drawing his fingers up their chest or leg or smth 🤮😔

X = X-Ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It's a bit skinny but it's average! About 5.2in

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He can be flustered/turned on pretty easily but with no influence his sex drive is on the higher side;

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

That depends on how far he exerted himself ; if he didint go too far he'll have a good amount of energy left, but if he really exerted himself he will be sleeping before his head hits the pillow LOL

[fmdjoosungarchive]

restructuring task 1

+5 tracker points

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background.

wc: 365

idk if i’ve said this on dash yet, but i’m treating new famed more or less like an au. in sung’s au, the defining change is that he was let go from gold star when he had his injury as a trainee. it was always my headcanon that they truly were close to cutting him loose anyway, so this is just the other side of that. he had his injury, got plastic surgery to try to appease them into keeping him, and they still let him go. when he went home his parents said alright u tried that now join the fam business n sung freaked bc he realized he doesnt want that for himself so he went to do smth he also hated, and joined the military. while there he still worked on his dance and vocals whenever he had a moment to do so, so that when he was discharged and started auditioning again, he wasn’t so rusty

he is a year younger in this world, just bc of quantum’s age range, not for any other reason. makes him a little less of a cradle robber in his relationship lol which, another change is that daisuke wouldn’t have been his first kiss, just first everything else

quantum is very different from old element and new element, but it’s very in line with what i liked about quicksilver (& has models from that) and he’s a leader! this is an idea ive toyed with a lot over the last three years tbh. at first i didn’t think sung suited a leader position, but he came to show me he’s just a different kind of leader. i liken him to jinki often in this regard. rather than lassoing members in, he supports them being however they are, and takes an intimate/emotional path to gaining their trust and leading them. and while he wasn’t suited for the full business life, what he learned from his father’s teachings helps him in dealing with the company as the group’s representative there (& he loves a good powerpoint presentation)

other timeline stuff for big events in his life are likely to shift but i’m not sure on specifics yet

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group?

wc: 260

as the child of a businessman, he’s never under the illusion that as a company entity, their first priority is their wellbeing. he knows that they are products, and that they’re treated as such. it’s a bit heavier with dimensions than gold star, since gold star makes a more active effort to pretend they care. however, once having accepted that, sung thinks himself and dimensions work well together. he does feel that for a company, they allow himself and his members to be a part of the creative process, as says their motto. he feels much more encouraged to write songs and choreograph under dimensions than he did under gold star, where it felt like he was constantly on his knees begging for the company to take him seriously

as for quantum, sung really loves what they’re about. he’s not a big fan of all (or most) of their songs, though he’s more loving towards a song written by another member even if it’s the same sound he dislikes, but he absolutely loves being focused on performance and concepts. his creative mind works very much on the basis of story and emotion that comes with it, and he feels like quantum’s concepts sometimes to often lean into his tastes. he’s always been a dancer first and foremost (god am i so glad to have his main dancer title back i MISSED u) so focusing on performance is v much up his alley, and his preferred style of dance is through storytelling. he feels the heart of dance is in that

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

wc: 281

quantum’s on their first contract still, up for renewal in 2024. at the current moment, he would like to re-sign. however, unlike my others, his re-signing depends more heavily on the other members. if they were unhappy and wanted to leave, sung would want to follow suit, not because he can’t make his own decisions, but because if the reason the members want to leave is because of the company, not quantum, he’d want to try to help quantum continue to live. if that means all of the members leaving in order to rebrand under another company, so be it. he’d like to avoid lineup changes however he can, and ideally would like to be an idol for as long as possible

he himself feels alright about his treatment. he feels creatively stimulated, and appreciated for talents further than his face. if he were to try to negotiate different terms at their contract renewal, part of it would likely be wanting to give members a higher share of profits, especially on releases they’re creatively involved in. sung personally has no use for excessive money, but not all of his members have his background, and he feels more than just the money, it’s what’s fair. he’d also prefer to allow for more creative freedom. as a 7/8 year group by then, he’d think they should be allowed to take the reigns more heavily. and on his personal side of things, he would want dimensions to be more mindful of his schedule. sung enjoys working, but he’s only one person, who doesn’t want to be overworked. these are all just his current thoughts, though, and will probably change before contract renewal comes up

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

wc: 294

his motivations to be ‘successful’ and/or achieve his goals are his family, namely being someone his nephew and niece can be proud of, and someone his parents can feel was worth letting go of. he feels closer to the latter than he did in old famed. his members motivate him to be a good leader, his desire to grow as a creator motivates him to write and choreograph

specific goals could be bigger like his desire for more public recognition. while quantum has a lot more recognition both in korea and abroad than element or quicksilver, sung wants the best for his group. he’d be happy if they stayed where they are with their loyal fandom, but he still aims for more

sung also wants to get better at standing up for himself. he’s best at standing up for others, because he can slap on a bit of bravado in order to help them out, but when it comes to himself, especially with his parents, he’s pretty awful at it

he’d also like to create more for quantum, and others. i/he have a goal for him to write a whole album for someone, so if anyone reads this far and could want sung writing for their muse, hit me up!

he’d like to get married and have children one day. that’s always been a dream of his, and while he knows his career doesn’t allow for that soon, it’s still on his docket

he wants to spend more time with his family, especially his nephew and niece. they’re so new to the world and learning everything, and sung wants to be a part of that. he doesnt want his part in their early lives to be ‘i don’t really remember seeing him back then’

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

wc: 291

at some point, this bitch is gonna have to admit he’s a homiesexual. in his previous version, it was a lot easier for him to ‘i pretend i do not see it’ when it came to that. sung’s very ignorant when it comes to the queer community in korea, so he’s not even really aware of terms beyond gay, maybe trans. but, terms aside, he always thought he was someone who liked women, and daisuke and a couple of others were just outliers. they were the Special ones outside of his jurisdiction that were just too good for him to not notice. aka he believed he was bi. and now, he still does, but i have less faith he’ll be able to hold that up until he dies like i did before, because he’s actually dated at least one woman before in this world. considering the plot has yet to be picked up, i don’t know the specifics, but i do think it’s harder to run away from when the way he treated a relationship with a woman and a relationship with a man were lightyears away from one another. it’s still possible for him to run away from the truth of the situation, but it’s also very possible that one day, his thoughts on it will shake, and everything will click into place (messily,, probably the messiest clicking ever) it would be a difficult thing for him to come to terms with, though i think it’s better for him in the longterm to truly know who he is, and why he acts the way he does, why he feels the way he does about women vs men. it’s also nice just to not live a lie, even if only privately

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

wc: 523

sung has a pretty filled history of individual activities. most are points claims with a focus on modelling, his radio, and music, though he’s dipped into pretty much ever facet of idoldom, some with more success than others. his ecp expenditures flesh that out a little more, and add a bit more realism, and/or make sense of the group changes. he had a one year modelling contract with the north face, and while official claims aren’t possible, i was inspired by a couple of things rowoon did with them. there was more of a push on an eco-friendly side of things, and there was a bit of dancing. playing into his group position with dancing i feel is fitting, but the eco friendly part i also feel could round out his image more as a good, kind boy who also can be sexy, whereas before, his earlier modelling claims focused a lot more on the sexy aspect, because it fit element and his trajectory there better. here, it makes him more dual sided from the beginning. north face is also just a nice, strong brand that i think is fitting for a pretty boi. i set it a bit after a year out from debut because i feel like that’s the most realistic, especially for a group like quantum that grew audience with each comeback

part of that first year being focusing only on the group ties into his creative claims as well! his first creative claim was with the bside love, lalala on the eternity ep. the nicest part of creative claims being unattached to positions is that all of sung’s claims are the songs in the discography most Him. so love lalala is very jazzy and smooth, and would have served as his first introduction to songwriting, as well as what made him interested in songwriting. then he was a choreographer on error, which is heavily story based, and about the members being a unit, and making beautiful pictures together. i hope to snag intro long journey and outro long journey from the beginning and end of the ateez sector, because they’re beautiful compositions that fit sung’s style, but also having him on both makes him feel like he’s a part of the concept’s creation in an intimate way, which fits with dms. then there’s aurora, which sung partially composed and partially choreographed. the choreography has contemporary flair to it, and the song is a flowing sound that matches that. then there’s partial production on sunrise, which i just love the robotic ass experimental production there, and comp for with u, which i believe ties back into sung’s rediscovering his love of piano. choreo for valkyrie is most similar to error in it’s pretty pictures way, and also has a bit of complex footwork, especially as its point dance, which is also p sung to want to include. and finally, some comp on stand by, which is like a mix of the appeal of aurora and with u methinks? listening to all of his written songs together i feel like really makes a picture of sung’s songwriting so i love that

[waveypedia]

Have anything else for that Team Spyience au you made ages ago? Some writng or a bullet list? I crave angst.

The AU in question

Yes!! Aaaaahh i was so excited when I saw this ask because i’m so happy people still like it!! I’m definitely still thinking about it, don’t worry. The old AU hinges on the fact that FOWL doesn’t have a way into Scrooge’s company and family but uhhhh that’s not how it is now lmao. So I’ve been thinking about revamping it for a couple months now. I don’t want to do anything concrete until we know a little more about FOWL and how it works. We know who its agents are and a little bit about its goals but we really don’t know anything about its inner workings, what the Board’s dynamic is with their agents, what their dynamic is with modern SHUSH (if it even exists), etc etc. all of which are things that would probably be addressed in the Team Spyience AU! It is an AU but I���d like to build on canon as much as possible (unless there’s something that I really don’t vibe with) since it’ll be cleaner and less confusing that way. Like if I threw 2019 Team Spyience AU at you guys rn it would 1) be confusing since the FOWL structure and motives are completely different from canon and 2) be less interesting since there’s SO much potential for angst and drama with the Board, Rockerduck/Jeeves, and Gandra as part of FOWL. (and oh boy I’m so excited to work with that!!!)

(sorry for that long block of text sdfgfds i wasn’t sure how to break it up)

that being said I have built a bit of a shaky foundation for a redone Team Spyience AU for when we learn more!! and ahhh i’m so excited to share. For bullet points, here are some ideas swimming around in my head. these all could change with new information from the show or just if i think of something better tbh

so this might change when we learn more about the Board in general and the nitty-gritty of FOWL’s plans, but right now I’m thinking that the Board realizes that 1) Gyro and his ragtag band of science nerds are powerful and stubborn, and will most definitely get in the way of their plans 2) Gyro already hates the Board, and if anyone in McDuck Enterprises were to pick up on their treason, it would be him 3) They have a strong foothold for control in the company, second only to Scrooge (and even that’s debatable), but they have minimal control over Gyro and the science department. So this time around it’s less about needing to spy on Scrooge and more about wanting to control Gyro and Team Science. how that translates to “capturing them and forcing them to spy on their boss and his family” is still up in the air, but i’ll let you guys know when i figure it out! (and if you all have any ideas lmk)

we all know Gyro dislikes the Board but it’s mostly just annoyance/spite since they always shut down his inventions. Here, though, he would hate them. He would probably start like smack-talking them to everyone he can, especially Scrooge, which is his own way of trying to get them to realize the Board is evil without tipping the Board off to his treachery. Scrooge would be confused and it would be like the first crack in the Board’s carefully built facade, but it wouldn’t work for him. He probably just thinks Gyro’s being his mean self.

Huey, though... I’m pretty sure Huey’s gonna end up researching FOWL since it’s his season, and he spends enough time around Team Science to notice how off they’re all acting, without being too busy to pay it much mind (like Scrooge). so one of Gyro’s snarky remarks will tip him off, and he’ll start to view the Board with a little more suspicion each time. Until he comes to the conclusion through his research, and SHUSH resources like Beakley and Webby, that oh god that was an allusion to FOWL the Board is FOWL-

and then- wait is Gyro FOWL?? is Team Science okay?? this goes deeper than I thought-

so essentially the B-plot of this AU is Huey (with the help of the rest of the kids, but especially Webby, Boyd, and Violet) researching FOWL in the background and trying to figure out why Team Science is acting so weird lately, and there’s a lot of dramatic irony

FOWL definitely threatens Boyd to get to Gyro because I love me some quality Boyd & Gyro family content 😌

I originally thought about working a “Gyro is a former FOWL agent that got away by the skin of his teeth” aspect into the AU since I was really fond of that concept when it was a theory, but now it’s been disproven. It does make for a lot of extra drama and angst, but I don’t think it quite fits, so I might just make that an entirely separate AU. I might add some non-canon bonus content with this concept though!

The majority of Team Science’s dynamic throughout the AU stays the same - they’re all incredibly stressed and on edge and just in a really sticky situation, so they snap at each other and have a lot of petty arguments. But at the same time, they’re all in the really sticky situation together, and so they come out of this mess a whole lot closer. It’s sort of a “You’re the only ones I can be honest with without dire consequences” situation.

also re: that last point - CUDDLE PUDDLES. i’m so soft for them. i’m thinking maybe on a night when FOWL makes them all stay in the cells overnight as a punishment or smth, but they’re all in one cell, they just fall asleep all on top of each other and it’s just a really sweet moment made bittersweet by the circumstances. it’s also a testament to how far their relationship has come under pressure and how much they trust each other now.

Gyro is the only target originally (I’m thinking maybe Fenton, Manny, and Lil’ Bulb catch the Board in the act and it’s very dramatic and terrifying. i think they’re originally gonna kill Team Science, since FOWL has a very take-no-prisoners leave-no-loose-ends sort of mindset, but Gyro convinces the Board that the majority of Scrooge McDuck’s research team mysteriously dying in one fell swoop would be extremely suspicious, especially since Scrooge has an in-house former SHUSH agent. so they live, miraculously, but the Board lets all of them know in no uncertain terms that if it happens again, the other person dies. No ifs, ands, or buts. So Team Science is all very, very nervous and careful about what they let slip. They want to tell everyone, especially Scrooge, but they can’t because they care too much. (Hence Gyro making passive-aggressive comments about the Board to Scrooge.) and of course everyone else gets suspicious and resentful since they know Team Science is hiding stuff from them. so that leads to a lot of drama and arguments.

speaking of the drama and arguments from the outside, the kids are doing their own investigation, but I headcanon Della as friends with Gyro from before the Spear of Selene, and she has a budding friendship with Fenton too. So she’d notice they’re all acting really weird and bailing on all her plans, so she storms down to the lab and tries an aggressive tactic to get them to fess up. They don’t, obviously, so she goes on a little investigation of her own. I’m thinking she might drag Launchpad and Donald into it - Launchpad since he’s good friends with Team Science, and Donald because I love him and I want him involved they’re the Duck Twins and they work best together.

I have this scene floating around in my head where, in the very beginning, FOWL agents/Eggheads capture Gyro and drag him to FOWL HQ underneath Funzo’s to be briefed on his new situation. He’s stuck in one of those glass cells Launchpad and Dewey were in when Steelbeak brought them back in the Double-O-Duck episode. The Board knows he’s there, but Gyro has no clue they’re villains. So they come to the cell to brief and belittle him (let’s be honest here, they’ve never liked Gyro) and he just. He’s pissed. Spitting mad. He’s always resented the Board but never like this; never pictured them as actual powerful villains. He may be spiteful of them because they shut down his projects, but at the end of the day, they’re good guys. They’re on his side, and more importantly, Scrooge’s side. Right?

So Gyro is like, up against the glass, trying to punch them through the airholes. He’s just so fucking furious. He’s not really thinking straight and he doesn’t care about any dignity, he’s just angry. The Board is just overly smug and pleased with themselves. It’s a very stereotypical “You’ll never get away with this, you villain!!” picture, and very dramatic. And then the Board just walks away after giving him a bare-bones explanation of the situation that he doesn’t really process because he’s so mad and terrified. And they turn off all the lights and let him stew in there overnight.

Once Huey and the kids have finally put the pieces together, Webby comes to the Bin one day with Scrooge, and she goes to the meeting room to look for him. Only he’s not in there - The Board is, and they’re berating Gyro for sassing off about them to Scrooge or smth. Webby, with all her trained spy skills, hears their conversation and is able to avoid detection (although the Board is suspicious, and they start investigating to tie off any loose ends). Their conversation, though, would be suspicious to any oblivious passerby, but from all the research the kids have done, they know what’s going on.

That’s not the actual reveal - I think thematically that should go to Huey, since he’s the closest to Team Science and it’s his season. This would just chase away any last doubts the kids may have. And maybe Webby gets a voice recording as evidence? I just love those; they’re so dramatic.

this is one part that might not end up aligning with canon but I’m REALLY fond of the Akita FOWL theory. So in this AU, I’m thinking Akita was a really casual member of FOWL all along that recently got an updated agent commission. So there’s even more potential drama there, since Gyro utterly despises Akita now. And a bigger incentive to keep Boyd safe, since Gyro knows FOWL would be more than happy to program Boyd into a mindless attack robot.

in the old AU I was toying with the idea that FOWL didn’t know Fenton’s Gizmoduck until a big reveal, and it was a secret weapon of Team Science’s (but also a point for a lot of arguments, since Fenton desprately wanted to be out there protecting people at the cost of his own safety) but uhh... they definitely know now. In a bid to stop FOWL from taking control of Gizmoduck, Fenton claims the armor is out of commission and sabotages it. So Fenton’s heroics are temporarily halted while Team Science frantically tries to figure out how to keep FOWL from hacking/taking control of a new and improved Gizmosuit.

As for writing... I don’t have anything done, least of all anything for the revamped version of the AU, but I do have this wonderful writing prompt from @advisortotheadvisor that I started back in January 2019, when I was working on the old version of the AU, that I really want to do with the revamped AU. (it just fits so well ahhhh!!!)

["If you won’t do it, I’m sure your friend wouldn’t mind being in your place." + your FOWL team spyience au?]

Gyro crossed his arms across his chest, scowling to hide his fear. He’d gotten pretty good at it over these past few months.

Watching the halls was basically useless. Fowl was careful to keep Gyro and his team within the same halls, as to not be able to find their way out on their own. And Gyro knew the way to Steelbeak’s office well. He’d lost count of how many times he’d been marched here.

At least he wasn’t cuffed anymore, though he suspected it was only because the agents and their minions knew there was too much at stake for an escape attempt. It had been too long, anyway. That was an amaetur move. Even though he loathed to admit it, Gyro cared too much about the consequences - the people at stake - to even try.

It was just a well-aimed mockery. Like everything short of punishment seemed to be these days under FOWL’s watchful eye and careful thumb. Gyro scowled deeper and crossed his arms tighter and pretended in vain it didn’t bother him.

That was all he could do, really.

Okay that kind of got away from me haha. thank you so much for the ask!! It means a lot to me that people are still interested in this AU. definitely motivation to work on both the AU and that fic haha!! I’ll talk more abt this soon when I have more info/content

[yaboylevi]

Hi vivi, there's smth I didn't understand, about when Levi was ignorant about Erwin's true motivator then when he knew it. In the beginning he used to talk about freedom stuffs but after Shiganshina battle he almost didn't? Was those freedom stuffs related to his fake vision of Erwin?

Hey there!

Honestly, I'm not the best person you should ask this to. I'm pretty sure I've proven myself to be someone who does not understand Levi very well. Or maybe, what I understood of him was either wrong all along, or it is simply something I don't like anymore, and that I find pitiful (especially if this is all there is to it), after putting together all the pieces of his character arc until now and in light of more recent highlights of his character when paired up with his past.

For the sake of giving you my opinion, since you asked, I think Levi has lost himself, and that's why he doesn't bring up freedom at all. This is just my rough interpretation of a part of his psychology that I've never quite seen analyzed so I could just be wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  tl;dr at the end.

I think he lost confidence in himself all the way back when Erwin made him think that Isabel&Farlan's death, his family, was his fault, 

"A heavy sense of regret cut away at his heart, more sharply than the blades he held in his hands. Levi thought. That's right—what Erwin said was right. The one who's wrong was me. I lost a fight that I could've won; I'd even gotten my allies killed. The responsibility for all that falls on the one who'd made that decision…me." x

and so Levi made his life all about following Erwin and his superior, bigger goal, without knowing what it was, with the belief that it was something selfless and that he couldn't understand it simply because he himself wasn't worthy, was inferior. Just like Kenny thought he was inferior to Uri until the very end (but at least Levi had the much-awaited epiphany that no, it wasn't the case. Though I'm not sure if he absorbed the lesson or not - I think he didn't). Anyway in his mind, that goal he couldn't see could make all the sacrifices worth it, it made you a better person, one that had no regrets. And this, in particular, is Levi's biggest struggle - you'll always have regrets, but you can accept them if for the right cause. The moment this cause is no more because it was sort of a fraud, how do you deal with those regrets and sacrifices, how do you make them worth something again? -> simple, pick someone you hate, pin all the fault on them and kill them. This is what he's grappling with, currently.

He's been stuck there for 4 years because he was used to not having "mental autonomy". Erwin's idealized goals became his, simply because Levi considered himself inferior, without a worthy or right goal, only able to mess things up and causing others' deaths, so he should naturally follow someone superior. He gave up thinking for himself when he decided to follow Erwin, because Levi had lost faith in his qualities as a human - he got his friends killed, right? It was his fault, right? He can still think for himself and he has his own opinions, but when it comes to the future, or to making big decisions, he is unsure and scared and lacks confidence and so he leaves it up to Erwin, to following Erwin's orders. This is what I mean when I said he isn't used to "mental autonomy". Because he gave it up for the longest time. Why do I think so? Let's go back to ACWNR, the origin of our current Levi...in a moment of full despair and insecurity about his own decisions and decision-making skills, in my mind, it's like Levi gave up on himself and decided to put those skills and his strength at the service of Erwin's goal:

""All right… It looks like you have something that I lack. Until I know what that 'something' is, I'll go with you.""

What I get from this, and from what we have in the actual manga, it seems like Levi had thought Erwin's goal was a pure and superior one. He idealized Erwin and never really understood him. For years. He could accept all those deaths - of the soldiers they sacrificed together, and of Isabel&Farlan - only because he believed in this goal he didn't really understand and that he thought was a selfless one. He even sacrificed his own feelings. He disliked how Erwin used his soldiers as bait, but accepted every order because he believed in him and the goal he believed they shared. 

In the end, he found out Erwin's goal had selfish motivations. He was shaken up and confused and disgusted initially. This is proof that Levi really believed in saving humanity, in freeing it. But then, since he was Erwin's friend, he decided to accept that the real Erwin and his idealized version of him weren't the same. And he chose to keep avoiding making choices and to keep believing in Erwin, for some reasons that I tend to identify into two categories: 1. Erwin was his friend, you tend to forgive and accept things in your friends that you wouldn't accept otherwise, even if you disagree (and Levi disagreed plenty); and 2. Levi's delusion had to go on or he would feel the weight of all the sacrifices he made and he would get crushed - he wasn't ready to decide for himself, so he chose to still follow Erwin. In the end, he was forced to in RtS by circumstances when Erwin failed to make the call for Levi like he used to, failed to give him orders. When Levi tells him to die with the recruits, you can see on his face that this is the first time in a very long time that he actually takes full responsibility for those lives. Before that, I feel like he halved their weight because they were all Erwin's decisions, not his, he was merely following orders for a greater cause.

So, yeah, I think Levi had given up making important decisions (outside of the immediate ones in moments of dangers/on the battlefield), and then he was forced to make 2 very important ones in RtS all of a sudden. After giving up his "freedom" to Erwin's orders and decisions and goals, he was thrown back into reality full force. Making choices is hard and painful. He already knew (that's the whole point of him avoiding having to make them), he is aware of it on a personal level and he directly acknowledges this when dealing with Eren and imparting his lessons to others. But it's actually quite ironic because he always followed Erwin's orders to a T (even when he felt strongly against them), successfully avoiding choosing. In my opinion, his blind belief in Erwin was exactly the result of Levi never properly dealing with his own guilt re: Isa&Far. Because of it, he ended up thinking he's unfit to make choices. So he left the task to someone he deemed more capable and superior (and this is how the whole "Ackerbond" thing was described, basically, but you need to add to it Levi's self-deprecation and feelings of inferiority caused by his guilt, which make the whole thing even more codependent imo). The two decisions in RtS ("Give up on your dream and lead the recruits to hell" and the serum choice) meant he was responsible of the death of almost all the SC and also of their Commander. With how the situation is now in the manga, he may feel even more guilty. Because of those 2 choices, and of his failure at killing Zeke in Shiganshina, they're in this situation: Hange can't lead them, Zeke played them like a fiddle, the SC has never been this corrupted and divided. (For the record, I don't think Levi should be considered fully responsible for this bc it would just take away agency to all the other characters involved, but he sure did nothing to help the situation, that we know of.)

Hence why he's so hellbent on repaying those lost lives and on destroying Zeke, even if killing Zeke wouldn't mean victory for their current situation. Even if those deaths have already been proven to have been useful, not in vain. He's obsessing about this, not seeing past it, not seeing the freedom he was striving for before, because of his inner demons (his guilt and his insecurity about his own ability to make choices). That's why he's always there in the background doing nothing, barely expressing his opinions about the circumstances they're in. That's why his only two modes are conflicted and violent, because he's lost, and he has regressed in the sense that he thinks he can solve anything with violence like he used to. I'm glad the story has proven him wrong. Hitting Eren has amounted to exactly nothing. Being viciously sadistic with Zeke only blew up in his face (ah! sorry...).

I'm not saying he needs to repress his feelings. But everyone has condemned Connie's violent and irrational behavior (caused by pain and confusion) recently, but nobody can acknowledge the problems in Levi's behavior, though it is just very similar to Connie's. The difference is Levi is an adult and should technically act more like it. But I guess his development has been stalled since he met Erwin, because as I said, he gave it all up just to avoid dealing with his own feelings and responsibilities, something that would've made him "grow up" emotionally. So I really really hope he'll finally have this growth he needs to undergo, next time we see him. Just like I hope there is a positive resolution to Connie's internal conflict.

tl;dr: I think Levi really did care for humanity's freedom, he wasn't just parroting Erwin's public speeches. That's why he was disappointed in Erwin, because he implicitly did come to care about their freedom, as he explicitly said to Eren. However, he lacks confidence in his long-term decision-making skills, so he's focusing on the past, rather than the future. The only time he chose something that impacted the future was in RtS, and that "future" he's living in right now seems hopeless, probably also because of his choices (or so he may believe unconsciously). So I think he's been obsessing about the past and his past choices in particular, though this just stumped his growth, made him regress and actually made it impossible for him to create a vision for the future for himself - hence why he never brings up ANYTHING about the future of the island in a positive way like he did before...he doesn't have the confidence to believe in anything regarding their future atm; meanwhile, in the past he gained that confidence through following someone else's leadership. Some find it pure or romantic, I find it looks like codependency. If he managed to kill Zeke, he wouldn't have had anything else going on for him and this is...not a good look for a character, simply from a narrative pov. That's why I knew he would've never been able to kill Zeke and there was zero tension in their most recent fight for me.

In general, though, Levi has directly brought up freedom only once, to Eren. He has always fought more for individuals and to repay their sacrifices (almost as a self-inflicted punishment/strife to atonement for what happened to his friends). But I agree that we all were under the impression that he had the goal of freeing humanity inside the walls. This is also why I say I may have been wrong all along about him, and I have never truly understood him.

Why do you think he doesn't bring up Freedom anymore?

[nebulousnajm]

hi so uh major spoilers for s3 of attack on titan

i just finished watching s3 of attack on titan and um. WHAT. i just feel so,,, wrung out?? like i legit had to take a break before continuing on the last 3 eps bc i was just THAT worn out. in a good way ofc. but man. wow. erwin’s death got spoiled for me so i wasn’t THAT tense but goddamn i did not want armin to die what the fuck. i feel like they've low-key been building up to erwin’s death during this season, its not something i can pinpoint, its just that u can feel him becoming less needed in the storyline yk? i rly appreciated his character bc he was v sensible and rational, but i also would be a goddamn liar if i said i didn’t sigh in relief that armin was gonna be saved instead. i mean, armin has arguably the same wits as erwin, he is incredibly smart and sharp and absolutely vital to the rest’s survival. 

anyway I'm just rambling here cuz i don't have anyone to talk to abt this yet. also if I'm being real honest, the first part of s3 had me EXTREMELY confused for a while lmao. so many internal politics and changes and allies and motivations to keep track of. second part was better, but you still need to pay attention for the last 3-ish eps when the reality of the walls and the world is revealed yk? but damn, the 9 titans only have 13 years to live after inheriting their power? seriously? eren has 8-ish years and armin has 13, but like, i get the feeling that a huge part of this “curse” is a self-fulfilling prophecy/placebo. idk. also!! how eren’s memories and emotions got literally transferred through the path (which I'm still confused ant) when Kruger was talking to grisha, kind of implies a time loop yk? oh!! and smth i realized is that the above average human abilities that mikasa has (and shares with levi and kenny) come from the Ackermann line, not the oriental, which leaves me wondering why those 2 killers who killed mikasa’s family wanted her mom and not her dad, did they mix up the two lines? or does the oriental line also have something? idkkkkkk. but wow the world outside the walls sounds fucked up; the whole marylean and eldian shit is just,, huh. Like, this whole hell we’ve been following has been occurring on an ISLAND named PARADISE. talk abt violent irony. like, the whole shitshow happening on ““““paradise”””” is just part of a much bigger continental power struggle. 

OHH AND: naturally, as i finished the anime, i immediately go to ao3 to see the scene there. and um. when i tell you i felt GOBSMACKED at the sheer amount of levi/eren fics i. its uhh very popular i see, so i don't want to offend anyone, but i feel like levi is more of a mentor/big brother/NOT A LOVE INTEREST to eren?????? again not shaming any shippers i just Do Not Understand. like its never crossed my mind. tbh if there's any ship that i ship –bc like the story doesn't allow for much romance if u haven't noticed– its eren and armin. childhood friends to lovers trope yk? but also since i do NOT ship mikasa and eren since i see them more as siblings, it makes me wonder if that's the intended relationship between armin and eren if so then UH *chuckles* I'm in danger. anyway. ships is not the point of the story obvi but its just something that's been on my mind. if you've read this far um thank you??? idk what made u read this but i appreciate it. 

[masterserris]

Necromancer: Krzyzstof “Chris” Szyzcepanski (kshsh-toff  shte-paen-ski) he/him. Ethnically Polish. 

[Fun fact! The anglo version of Krzyzstof is Christopher!]

Patron god: Khystophylus (kiz-stoff-ill-us) or “Khys” for short. 

Eldrich god of space and dimensions, guardian of wayward spirits and eternity. 

KOFI

info under cut:

As a young lad he heard Khystophylus helping him out and talking into his ear. Khys helps a lot of mortals and is rather fond of them, having to care for their souls when wandering into the after life a lot of times. It’s just that this guy is one of the few and only to properly recognize the voice as khys, who does exist in the pantheon of eldrich gods but is often overlooked and misinterpreted as a different god entirely, and misses out on any sacrifices. In this world, all gods are eldrich abominations, it’s chill and normal, relax. Khys just has a very difficult voice lol. Khys helped him compile that tome of his full of really potent spells he has all memorized, he doesnt need the book but it helps and can make casting go faster sometimes. It latches on to the small of his back where the bone pelvis is. Those bones are real btw.

i mean, khys is perceived as a guardian of space and dimensions, why tf would they be a teacher? so everyone thinks it’s the god of wisdom or some shit instead and khys just facepalms and moves onto the next mortal, slightly annoyed they wasted their time again lol

the knife isnt all that special, just helps with blood rituals and the like and defense. he can imbue the blade with say poison magic and physically defend himself with it but usually doesnt need that. he’s. okay at hand to hand combat. he knows your pressure points and how best to break ur bones lol. an anatomy guru for many species lol

Khystophylus is his patron god ofc. A deity of eternity/a guardian between worlds. good to ask favor from when summoning the dead and monsters/spirits. like he’s mainly a necromancer but can summon other shit too

also makes teleportation/portal magic easier

Khystophylus is p chill but hardly anyone knows about them or makes proper sacrifices to them so they are more than happy to lend their infinite power to this guy. krzyzstof is very clean. he doesn’t leave blood and entrails laying around. wosh ur self looking ass

khystophylus is like. very much a guardian god and is like armored and wields a mace. ofc they are eldrich and no one knows what they really look or sound like and lives far off between dimensions but yeah. if this guy asked he could probs make him immortal if he wanted they are bros

tbh khstophylus probs already has made them eldrich deep down, he already has been physically altered w the pointy ears and sorta monster spine added on.

Oh! idk if this guy has eyes or not I think he does but he covers them bc he can see auras/souls/essence/energy. living or dead or spirits or machines he can see/sense them with p good clarity. god vision or smth like that. thanks Khys

i don’t think he is evil really. more like. necessary darkness in the world to balance things out. really, I think it’s more like you can hire him to perform burial rites for safe soul passage into paradise from khys. maybe sometimes he can fully resurrect a dead person but he’ll charge a higher fee and can only do it so many time a day/week just bc it takes effort. that and im p sure khys would get annoyed dragging a dozen souls outta the afterlife every day

that and the longer they have been dead, the harder it is to bring them back, but its always possible. nercomancy is just really advanced healing. you need to completely restore a body before shoving the soul back inside, right? just making zombies/skeletons is easy tho and he can make a small army in a day or two if he has enough bodies to work with

lol he would cast an air purifying spell every time too. he’s used to the stink ofc but he still doesn’t /enjoy/ it

ofc he has skeleton and lich dragons guarding his small abandoned fortress with lich sorcerers around as well. basically anything he summons is completely loyal ofc but some are lowkey sentient, at least enough to be competent fighters or warlocks

basically Overlord anime but really lowkey

if his life was in true peril, khys would save him by sending an eldrich minion to whisk him away or like. block the attack by shoving their arm through a portal, i doubt they would ever fully enter the mortal world tho bc they would break reality by doing that being a truly immortal and all powerful being but yeah

Khystophylus would be a big lad. skyscraper or bigger, though size is just an illusion so it can be manipulated.

has Krzyzstof made human sacrifices before? i wanna say yes. def sacrificed already dead bodies up for khys and animals but maybe recently deceased criminals who were executed or were going to be executed. he probs gets a legal pardon for taking sacrifices from the death row jail. it’s a public service. some people are scared af of him others are like: “oh yeah that guy? he’s nice, he helped my nephew pass his wizardry exam and resurrected my daughter’s cat to live another 10 years, real nice guy. good at baking too”

i’d say he’s lawful neutral then. he never breaks the rules of summoning/practicing magic. he owns his land legally and pays his taxes lol. if he gets drafted he helps in the army in the medical side of things while also bolstering their forces with undead troops

neutral bc like i said he can and will kill others for his gain but not out of any malice, only if they deserve to die for being an enemy or already committed heinous crimes

he’s decently skilled with a variety of topics on poisons, potions, healing, elemental magic basics, ect. to bring people back from the dead, you need to know all they ways they could have died and how to heal all of that mess or put them back into said grave if they turn out to be an asshole upon being brought back to life.

so he’d be on the short list for the world best magic users but not like. world conquering most likely. at least he would never have the gumption/motivation to do such a thing, sounds like a hassle tbh.

[the-darkgod]

i cant stop thinking about all the little ways my camp could have been more inclusive and how like, desperately i wish that i was a stronger person so i could go and help make a change but its kind of too late and im not really that kind of person so instead im gonna rant about it here (under the cut) bc ive got a lot of unnecessary thoughts but like 

ok we had weekly dances each week and those were Exciting because you got to see ~boys~ and who didnt love that right? except for the (usually pretty small) group of people who ... didn’t love that, and didn’t really love these dances and we would usually just sit around outside and play cards or something (smuggled... kinda illegally lol they Really Wanted Us To Go Dancing) and i mean! there were fun things about it bc you got to connect w/ ppl from different camps and stuff but like .. man do i wish that they had the option for people to just stay in their tents that night instead and like, do a chill night where maybe we’d do other fun things and like! only one counselor would have to stay yknow bc ik most of the kids loved this but itd be so much better if they offered the option of like, not being out so late?

bc like, these dances would go from like to 12 or smth and it was always A Lot for everyone and the next day we’d have to get up at 7 again and everyone was just!! so tired!! and we were like, btwn 11-14 i think like i wanted to sleep!! i mean even just having a counselor back at where our tents were to supervise that wouldve been so good bc like... then when ppl get rly tired earlier than noon they can just... go back to the camp and go to sleep, yknow? bc we dont Need to be forcing people to stay awake that late??

ok and then also we had to do these like ‘date night’ activities in the evenings and it always made me so uncomfortable i mean it did forever and then as i got older and was like then Super Into social justice and lgbt rights and also embacing myself more as a Not Straight Person™ it was even worse but like!! god it was so bad. i felt so isolated bc i was not interested in dating and these were so uncomfortable for me to participate in and like, just unnecessary!! it put so much weird pressure on relationships btwn genders and like none of the kids liked it and like! you can have the gendered camps intermingle or w/e at some events but dont make it weird!!

like we had to do the worst kind of dating games too it was So Weird im just cringing thinking about it like. it was unnecessary to do then and i was uncomfortable then but then looking back im even more uncomfortable bc like!!! we were children!!!! literal children!! omg!!!! 

if i ever have time or confidence or motivation i want to figure out a way to set up like, an lgbt network for this camp. i mean its a scouting group so it is bigger than a camp and like, honestly it would help to know that there are other gay scouts like this bc like... when i was going to camp there the only thing i heard about was a counselor who came out as gay and then was fired and like, man that was heartbreaking to hear. i was writing fun fluffy ship fic once and was terrified that someone would read it and see that it was gay, once i had a camp counselor who had a rainbow guitar band and that felt like peak representation right there. i mean i really had nothing from that community, and since it tied so heavily to my culture it was all the more heartbreaking to feel so isolated from it.

i hope that things have changed since i was going, i mean it’s been like 5 yrs since i left and times have changed outside the camp and people my age who i know are accepting and progressive are now the counselors and heads of the camps. but it was still a bit shocking and a wee bit painful to see them standing excitedly next to their “date night�� signs, talking about how cute it was. i wish there was some slightly more understanding, some support, or something. i wish i was still so much more actively involved so that i could be that person to a kid who may need it, but im not sure how. i think its too late, but at the very least, i hope that there is some change. i hope for something

[panda-noosh]

hey! Could you do a shiro x female reader where they’re friends with benefits or they hook up or something and they’re both pining idiots but then she gets pregnant or smth idk just like,,, angst with a happy ending (and some lil naughty stuff if you feel like it but literally anything will be g )

    It’s always so much easier pretending there are no feelings attached. It’s easier to pretend like you have absolutely no heart, that the butterflies attacking your stomach aren’t real, that you and Shiro could never possibly have a future together.

    It’s easier to just pretend. Wade through life with the mindset that you were a completely free woman, had the world entirely at your fingertips with little to no strings attached. 

    Once upon a time, that was the mindset you were allowed to have.

    Now, though, as you looked down at the positive pregnancy test in your hand, there was no doubt in your mind that you were now very far from a ‘free woman.’ In your trembling hands was the proof of that, and it was taking every fibre of your being not to cry.

    Things with Shiro weren’t meant to become serious - that was the last thing you had ever planned. He was your best friend, someone who you had developed feelings for pretty early on but had never truly thought they could be acted upon. The fooling around you both did was nothing more than a bit of fun - until now. Until this tiny little mishap engraved things in stone.

    You inhaled deeply, slowly setting the test down in your lap. You needed to process things for yourself before you told Shiro the big news. He was a busy man. You needed to first find the time to tell him.

    But you had to tell him. That much you knew. There was no way you could keep something like this a secret from him, no matter how tempting it may be. Because sometimes it was easier just to pretend.

   +++

     Shiro arrived back to the ship not long after everyone else had drifted off to bed. Even Keith Kogane, the infamous night owl, had given his good nights and went on his merry way.

    You had stayed up, waiting for Shiro to finally appear.

    The door to the ship opened, revealing the man himself for the first time that day. He had a towel draped loosely over his shoulders, the ends of his hair still wet from the shower he had clearly just emerged from. He wore a loose, light blue shirt and a pair of checkered pyjama trousers; in all honesty, he looked casual, which settled your breathing that little bit more. When he looked like this, casual and calm, you allowed yourself to think that he wasn’t the busy business man he truly was.

    You allowed yourself to believe that perhaps he would have time for the family he was suddenly starting.

    You stood up when he entered, startling him out of his daydream. He looked at you, winced against the light before he was grinning and sauntering towards you with his arms outstretched.

    “There you are,” he said, wrapping his arms around your waist playfully. “I was looking everywhere for you. Keith told me you weren’t in your room.”

   “No. I was waiting for you.”

   Shiro narrowed his eyes and pulled away, holding you at arms length. He had noticed the twinge in your voice, the lack of enthusiasm that you usually held for him when he came home from training.

    “What’s wrong?” he asked hesitantly. “Did something happen while I was gone?”

    You pursed your lips and quickly looked away. “That was actually what I wanted to talk to you about…”

    “Nobody’s giving you a hard time, are they?”

    You quickly shook your head, grabbing for his hand and leading him towards the sofa. He followed you hesitantly, unused to this serious side of you. You didn’t show it often; when you were with Shiro, you never really had to. Sure, he had his business side to him, and so did you, but when you were together, the stresses of work and responsibilities disappeared in a matter of seconds.

   The two of you settled down upon the sofa. You couldn’t bring yourself to touch him, simply tucked your hands beneath your thighs and looked away. You still needed to find the words to tell him what had happened.

    He leaned forward, trying to meet your eyes. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

   You inhaled deeply. “Shiro … Something happened.”

    He flinched away as if your words had somehow physically struck him. “What is it?”

    “You know a few weeks ago when we … when we had some alone time.” You winced, bunching your shoulders around your ears as if that would be enough to banish the awkward wording you had just used.

   Shiro snickered quietly, but nodded nonetheless. “I remember it well, yes.”

    “Well… I think we took it a bit too far.”

    Shiro’s smile faded, replaced by furrowed brows and a frown. “Did I … Did I do something wrong? Did I take things too far?”

   “No! No, that’s not what I mean! It wasn’t you.” You groaned, finally giving up on trying to explain. No words would form that could reasonably explain what you were trying to say, and so you finally decided to reach into your back pocket, pull the pregnancy test out of your jeans and toss it into his lap; he could put the dots together himself.

    He looked down at it. That was all. Just looked, eyes glistening, dancing over the two lines that were glaring back at him. You had known Shiro long enough to see when the cogs in his brain were turning; any time he was looking down at the map in the cockpit of the ship, any time he was trying to come up with a suitable plan.

    Any time he was looking down at a positive pregnancy test.

    It took him a few minutes to shake himself out of his stupor, and they were minutes that you gave him. You didn’t speak, didn’t touch him until he was looking over at you with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. For a single moment, you could have sworn you saw tears.

    “Yours?” he questioned, voice cracking.

    You could only nod.

    His throat bobbed. “M-Mine?”

   You closed your eyes, squeezed your lips together and nodded again.

    Shiro exhaled heavily. “Oh, god.”

   “I’m sorry. I know we should have been more careful,” you burst suddenly, overwhelmed by his simple reaction. “We thought we could get away with it, and I should have told you before, but I only took the test this morning, and-”

   “Y/N.”

   You paused, dropping your head into your hands. “I’m so sorry. You already have so much to worry about.”

    “Would you calm down?” The sofa shifted, indicating Shiro had moved closer to you. He bundled you in his arms, pressing you into his chest. “You’re acting like this has ruined my life or something.”

    You whimpered. “It hasn’t?”

   “It couldn’t. I’m - I’m gonna be a Dad. How could that be anything but good news?”

   You looked up, heart thumping in your chest. “Shiro, you’ve already got so much going on around you. How are we meant to raise a baby if we can’t even find time to be in a proper relationship with each other?”

   Shiro bit his lip. “You know I’ve always wanted to be more than what we are, Y/N…,” he said softly, nervously. “And now that we’re having a child together… I think it’s only right that we make things official. For the sake of the baby.” 

    You blinked. “Official?”

   He inhaled deeply, as if tired of trying to explain himself. You were nervous, and when you got nervous, nothing made sense. Shiro’s words now, particularly, did not make any sense, because the two of you had been friends with benefits for nearly a year now. Why was he just now confessing his feelings to you?

    “I’ve not been keeping it a secret that I’m in love with you,” he said, and your heart froze. “I wouldn’t just mess around with anybody. I thought you knew me well enough to know that.”

    You swallowed. “But our arrangement…”

   He raised a brow. “Do you want to keep sneaking around, even after this baby is born?”

     “What? No, of course not!” you exclaimed, affronted that he would even think such a thing. “But, Shiro, I thought you liked not having any strings attached.”

    “I hate it. I’ve always hated it.” He leaned forward and took your hands in his own. “I want something more than that, Y/N, but I’ve been too afraid to ask. But now…” He sighed and placed one of his hands against the bottom of your stomach; you were far from showing at this point, but the feel of his hands against your flesh made it all seem that little bit more real, like reality was finally settling in just because Shiro was there to share it with you. “I want to be a proper family.”

    The room grew quiet. Question after question, statement after statement were swirling around in the back of your head, but none of them seemed like an appropriate response. Of course you wanted that - you wanted a stable family, a relationship that was strong enough to raise a baby in the conditions you were currently placed in. 

     You couldn’t think of anyone better to create that stable family with than Shiro.

    And so, you leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek; it wasn’t suggestive, not like any other kiss the two of you had shared in the past. Before, the kisses had always been desperate, leading to bigger things and tender moments, but this was different. This had no ulterior motive to it, wasn’t the set up for a night in the covers. It was a genuine kiss, gentle and soft against his flesh.

     You pulled away then, breath warm against Shiro’s cheek. He stroked a thumb along the fabric of your shirt, ducking it beneath the hem so he could feel the non-existent bump, the place where his child was.

    You couldn’t help but smile, placing a hand over his own.

    “So what do you say?” he whispered.

    “Let’s do it.” 

[dreammutual-remade]

high school!mark

request: highschool!mark if u love me plspls

 word count: 5.5k

a/n: lucky that I love u anon hehehehe !!!!! also wOW I didnt mean to make this so god damn long itS REALLY JUST THESE GOD DAMN HIGH SCHOOL AUS IM WEAK FOR THEM OKAY. look at this cutie hOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO RESIST

mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, jisung

warnings: the usual intermittent cussing and probably an inappropriate joke or two

this au is my Ultimate Weakness it makes me soft as hell alright

………………….

LETS DIVE IN

okay so your mom has a job that forces your family to move around….. A LOT

and while you’ve gotten used to it for the most part it still sucks having to leave people behind and make completely new friends once every couple of years

this time you’re moving to a new school for your SENIOR YEAR and you’re livid

bc like ??? it’s senior year and you have exactly zero (0) friends since you’re new,,, yet again

you Threw A Fit when you found out but your mom was like shut up you ingrate soon you’ll be in college and won’t even have to worry about it

so you, an ingrate, shut up :/

you move in a month before school starts and the house is nice and your room is cute so that’s a plus !!!!!

you hang up some pictures and organize all your cute little trinkets you’ve collected over the years aw

you’ve even got a lil succulent garden growing on your windowsill

ITS CUTE AS HELL OKAY

alright so you’re gonna go explore around town because you , don’t know where anything is and you wanna find some good spots to hang

you take the bus into the middle of town because who tf is tryna drive themselves amirite ladies

support ur local bus driver

anywhom this isn’t a HUGE town but it’s one of those cute towns where you can pretty much walk anywhere you need to go

(god i wish that were me)

so you spend all day just, walkin

you find a library and pick up some books …….

both for decoration and reading okay

and you find a couple of restaurants and write them down to try later along with some coffee shops and whatnot

eventually you’re tired and prolly a lil sweaty bc it’s summer and you’re outside and ugh

so you find a nice big park and a tree and sit down at the base of it to read and mindlessly sketch things in the margins of your book

whEN OUT OF NOWHERE

someone shouts

“HEY WATCH OUT”

and you look up just in time to dodge a sOCCER BALL HURTLING TOWARDS YOUR FACE

it bounces off the tree and rolls a couple feet away

“uhhhh holy shit” - you

you just kind of sit there astonished for 5 seconds before you get up to get the ball and look around for who saved your LIFE

and there’s boy jogging toward you looking extremely embarrassed

you meet him halfway to hand him the ball and he’s like

“oh mY GOD i’m so sorry i told them to settle down but they never listen to me and jisung just ??? doesn’t know how to not take everything seriously and he lost and got pissed and kicked it and we didn’t even kNOW you were over here and also i’m so sorry”

you smile and tell him it’s fine and hand him the ball

you go to get back to your tree and he’s like hey uh you there uh wait up

god he’s awkward

and you turn around to face him with an expectant look

“so um, what’s your name? i haven’t seen you around here before and like in case i ever gotta make this up to you you know ??”

cute

you tell him your name and stick out your hand to shake and he grabs it very hesitantly and tells you his name is mark

he has , very warm hands and they’re only slightly bigger than yours but that’s still cUTE

MARK HAS BABY HANDS I DARE U TO SAY HE DOESNT

he says he hopes you enjoy your book and he’ll make sure the boys don’t disturb you anymore than they already have

you wave as he goes and he gives you a smile over his shoulder and his cheeks are tinged pink and wOw this boy is a cutie patootie

you go back to your reading but now instead of doodling you’re just writing his name or drawing his big doe eyes or his smooth hands

(((((let’s pretend we’re all good at drawing okay god knows i can’t do much more than a stick figure)))))

the boys leave after an hour or two and you leave pretty soon after then because the sun is setting and you gotta be home for dinner

basically your mom wants to make sure you aren’t kidnapped and/or lost in a new town

which, to be fair, is not that unlikely

you have your headphones in and you’re leaned against the bus window half asleep as you go

bitch wake up youRE GONNA MISS YOUR STOP

it’s the same bus driver who saw you get on and honestly there aren’t a lot of people on the bus so he makes sure you get off

“hey you, girl back there, hEY! this is your stop girly”

you thank him profusely and tip him because uhhhh u gotta get home and like Not Lost

you skip home with your bag of books and miscellaneous items you found at the thrift store!!!

you bought a little figurine of a dragon and she’s beautiful her name is saraphina because why not

that’s completely irrelevant i’m so sorry

i have ADHD

anywhom

you walk in and you’re all like hey momma !!! how goes it !!:3

and your mom is Sus™️ because why are you in such a good mood

and you’re like !!! cause i had a good day okay love u bye i’m going to my rOOM

don’t let her question anymore or else she’ll dig out that you met a Cute Boy

you go to your room and get out all your purchases and organize them while you still have the motivation to do so

and yeah

you use one of the blank notes to start like a lil drawing diary of sorts ???? like just to draw stuff in whenever you’re inspired or you see something pretty

and you definitely saw smth pretty today ;))))))))

hint: ITS MARK

you try to draw him from memory but it doesn’t look quite right and like :(((((( how sad is that what if you don’t even see him again

the rest of the month passes pretty quickly in the same fashion

by now you’ve befriended the bus driver and he tells you all the cool secret nooks and crannies of town for you to go find

he’s also your bff pretty much he always tells you about his daughter and all the cute things she does and you just talk about your life in general and he gives you advice

congrats you’ve unlocked Wise Uncle

he gives you directions to this teeny TINY flower shop where you befriend the old lady who works there by bringing a muffin everytime you go by

she trades you for a seasonal flower and makes a big deal out of tucking it behind your ear herself

basically you find all the cute old people in town and make them your friend because.

THATS CUTE

ADDED BONUS OF LIKE 17 PARENT FIGURES TO GIVE YOU ADVICE

this is accidentally straying into art hoe territory i hope y’all are okay w/ that

school is starting really soon and you’re nervous but also used to this so it doesn’t affect you as bad as normally

also you did meet some people so you aren’t going in with no friends but like, pretty close to no friends

on the first day of school you ride the bus and you see ???? mark ????? on your bus ????????

so you get on and do your daily greeting of the bus driver

his daughter lost her first tooth AW

you fake cry and he says “mood” and you lose it because you’re pushing internet culture onto this unsuspecting middle aged man skdkdkkd

you pat him on the shoulder as you walk back to find a seat but there are none because for some reason the bus is busy this early in the morning ????

you wouldn’t know lmao summer sleep schedule had you up at 10 at the earliest

so you go to stand and hold onto one of the poles in the center

(nearby our boy mark LEE)

mark looks up from his phone

these god damn millennials always on that damn phone

and he sees you and he’s like wHOA what’s up uhhh Soccer Ball Girl

and nice you remembered his name bUT HE DIDNT REMEMBER YOURS

but then he’s like nahhhh just kidding i remember ur name hey y/n !!!

you talk otw to school and find out you’re both seniors at the same school and how you’re excited for sports games and like, GRADUATING

mark keeps trying to offer you his seat but you refuse and he pouts everytime you say no :((((

good god just take the seat look at the sad baby boy :((((((((((((

there is an, occurrence

at one point the bus goes over a bump and you stumble a little and mark reaches up to catch you before you literally fall on him

his hands fly out and grab you by the hips to steady you since he’s sitting and you’re standing and he can’t exactly reach your shoulders sO YEA

or at least that’s his explanation in his head huehuehuehe

his hands linger for MAYBE 10 seconds before he whips them back into his pockets and blushes while you thank him

you: are also blushing

the bus driver: completely did that on purpose

when you get off the bus your Second Dad tells you good luck and pats you on the head and mark is like ???? do you know him

and you’re like yeah that’s my man maurice we’re buds

and he’s like ???? i’ve rode that bus all my life to school and i’m not buds with him wtf :/

“srry you’re not as lovable as me!! jealousy is a disease <3”

and he laughs his dorky laugh

you highkey are smiling so big because this boy is so cute and he’s walking close enough that your shoulders brush every once in a while and he has a silly laugh and AW

as you walk into the school marks group of Boys starts waving him over excitedly and he turns in their direction but then stops when he sees you aren’t following

“hey whatcha doin???”

“well uhhh those are Your Boys you know and i’m, i don’t, really, uh they don’t know me”

“aw cmon they’ll love you!!! look ill just introduce you and if they’re terrible and annoying you can leave”

“........ i gue-“

but he’s already grabbed your hand and is pulling you over to them

“sup fellas this is y/n and she just moved here this year so don’t be too overwhelming.”

the smaller one with the highish voice chimes in

“aww but overwhelming is my only setting”

“then just don’t be yourself, chenle”

“heYYY it’s that girl i almost killed in the park !!! so sorry about that by the way”

he introduces them to you one by one and they all shake your hand

jisung is the one with the big ass yaoi hands and also the one who almost ended your young life

jaemin is the one with pretty smile

jeno is the one with the squishy eyes

renjun is the Art Hoe of the group you can just tell

he’s wearing some got damn overalls you gotta befriend him immediately

donghyuck is the one with beautiful skin and a v high voice you’re highkey like hey but can you dROP THE SKINCARE ROUTINE and he’s like “i just wash my face every day xoxo :*”

you quickly learn who is a piece of shit and who isn’t

you figure out who has classes with you and then set off for the day !!

mark has gym and economics with you but those are after lunch :(((

he squeezes your shoulder before he leaves and says good luck though so you’ll survive

you have art with renjun first and this boy is your bestie already

he’s such a sarcastic shit and he too likes drawing random things and vandalizing school textbooks with artistically correct memes

he also has the AUDACITY

“so, you and mark already ;););)(;);)))”

“i uh don’t know what you mean by that”

“you SO do!!!!! you guys walked into school together everyone probably already thinks you’re a thing”

“oh shit really??? ah i feel so bad”

“is that a bad thing???”

“i mean yeah i’m not tryna Tarnish mark’s reputation”

“that is some self hatred bs he would be lucky to have you !!!!”

“renjun you don’t even know me that well yet”

“i know enOUGH”

you just uhh change the subject which renjun def notices but like

who cares

renjun apparently also goes to the same flower shop as you !!!

you find out because you see him drawing the front of it and you’re like heY i’ve been there my girl edna works there !!!!! she insist i call her grandma tho

and he’s all oh sHIT that’s my girl too !!!!!!

long story short edna is now your shared grandmother

now THAT is some uwu shit

you go about your day and it’s lunchtime and yOU uh don’t know where to sit :(

you see a girl that you met who works at the little coffee shop you like so you set off in her direction and you’re almost there when jeno and jaemin walk up and sling an arm around your shoulder from either side

“hEY BUDDY” -jeno

“SUP SQUIRT” -jaemin

and they start steering you in another direction towards their own table

“god of all nicknames you had to give me sQUIRT”

“yes it’s because you’re cute and small like squirtle”

“that’s a god damn reach if i’ve ever seen one but okay”

you get there and they practically TOSS you into the seat next to mark

he winces and gives you and apologetic pat on the back before starting the conversation

“alright so who actually did the summer reading”

as the table bursts into Absolute Ruckus you just kind of sit back and watch

mark notices you being quiet and while renjun and chenle are arm wrestling he leans over to quietly be like

“hey you doin okay over there? are they too much”

“oh not at all i’m just takin it in lmao”

“yeah that’s understandable. they’re easily the most entertaining group of people you’ll ever meet but also i’ve wanted to strangle every single one of them at least once”

“what are you 30??? you talk about them like you’re their mom”

“i mean someone’s gotta do it”

you and mark talk all throughout lunch and head to gym together since that’s next

exercising right after eating ??? sounds like a GREAT plan thanks so much public school system !!!!

you go to pull out your bag of gym clothes but ??? all you’ve got is shorts ?????

S H I T

you start whining because you’re like aWW i’m gonna get in trouble :(((((

and he’s like here i have like 12 shirts in here because i always bring too many and then leave some when i got soccer practice i gotchu

(he gives you the clean shirt that hasn’t been sitting in his locker <3333 what a guy)

you thank him proFUSELY and then go to the girls locker room to change

the shirt is too big and you don’t wanna look like a Bag so you tie a lil knot in it in the front

you don’t look like a thot tho you just look Cute As Fuck

some girl in the locker room lets you borrow a hair tie and off we go !!!

it’s the first day so everyone literally just stretches and sits around talking

you’ve hashtag LOST mark and you don’t have any friends yet so you’re just chillin talking to the girl who gave you a hair tie because she seems nice and you got nothin better to do

you’re explaining to her how to take care of a succulent /properly/ when mark catches a basketball that was headed right for you yelling a watch it !!!! over his shoulder

he turns to you and giggles a little, nudging your foot with his

“you’re just a danger magnet aren’t you”

“i mean danger is my middle name so”

“uGH get your ass over here away from all those freshman hoodlums who think they can play”

you wave bye to your friend because there’s literal fear in her eyes at the sight of mark ??

you ask her what’s wrong later and she’s like oh it’s not him i just have a crippling fear of boys

(that’s a mood)

you and mark pass a volleyball back and forth and fuck around pretty much all period

this is actually the one (1) sport he isn’t good at thank GOD you were worried he had no flaws

at the end of the class you ask him if he wants his shirt back and he says, and i quote,

“nah you and your thot knot can keep it, looks cuter on you anyways”

you smack his arm for calling you a thot but then thank him anyways for the shirt and for calling you cute :))))))))

econ passes the same way except normal clothing and no sports

although mark does throw a wadded up piece of paper on you that says u want 2 hang w the boys n me after school ? if yes then breathe if no do a backflip

this headass boy

you throw it back so it bounces off his forehead and then nod to confirm you will

you don’t have any of the boys in your last class and you don’t where to meet up so you just kind of loiter by your locker since jeno’s is pretty close to yours and maybe they’ll meet here ????

luckily jisung spots you and is like hey what r u doin here aren’t u hanging with us after school??? cmon

you follow him out to the parking lot where they’re all gathered around jeno and jaemins vehicles because apparently they’re the only ones with actual cars

rip

they start waving too excitedly when they see you and mark smiles all big

wooOOO baby boy already has a crush on you :3

they’ve apparently already decided to go to chenles house because apparently he’s fuckin loaded

you don’t believe that for a sECOND because he’s wearing crocs and an old ass polo shirt but

we’ll see

you mark and renjun ride with jaemin while the Babies ride with jeno since he is able to ignore them being crackheads in the backseat and drive his vehicle without crashing

apparently they’ve cause multiple vehicular accidents ??? possibly the reason renjun doesn’t have a car ???????

who knows

y’all have a blast in jaemins car tho playing tokyo drift from the third fast and furious movie if u haven’t heard that shit plEASE GO LISTEN WHAT A SONG HEHEHHEHHEHE

you pull into this BIG ASS house and you’re like no fucking way dude

and everyone else in the car simultaneously says

“i know right ???”

y’all pull in and go inside and it’s real nice holy SHIT

chenle comes in cackling followed closely be jisung and more sedately by jeno who looks ready to fckin die

you pat him on the shoulder and go you did well, soldier

he salutes solemnly before breaking out into the smile

y’all know the one

you UWU right there on the spot but hold yourself back from poking his cheek and cooing

chenle then SCREECHES and yells

“WHO IS TRYNA PLAY JUST DANCE”

and everyone crowds into his living room

somehow the couch is big enough to fit all of you comfortably that’s fckin impressive

you play just dance for 3 whole ass hours and now you’re Tired and Ready To Go Home

there’s a bus stop nearby and you insist upon walking since jaemin already have you a ride here and you didn’t even have gas money to give him :(((

mark goes to since you have to catch the same bus

you hum as you skip around the sidewalk and he walks behind you smiling fondly while you twirl around

he recognizes the song and whistles along and wow !!!!

Harmony™️

when you get to the stop you’re like 5 mins early

so to entertain yourselves you play rock paper scissors and each time the winner gets to flick the loser on the forehead

mark is a sweet boy so he flicks softly but you go all out

wouldn’t be surprised if he had a bruise tmrw girly u need to chill

you sit on the bus together when it arrives since there’s actually room now and he slumps down low until his head is pretty much rested on your shoulder

(our man maurice sees and is like GET IT GIRL but only so you notice and you make threatening hand motions at him)

you’re not sure if he’s asleep so you stay extra still just in case

and no one needs to know you rested your cheek on top of his head

but when it gets to your stop you’re like mark? mark lee??? mork ???? wake up ??? and you nudge him a little with your shoulder and he sits up and rubs his eyes aW

he slow blinks at you and goes

“hm?”

and you’re like i uh gotta go now

and he’s like :/// okay i’ll see you tomorrow and stands up and gives you a half hug before you go

maurice is DYING in the front you’re going to kill him

you walk home with a smile on your face and again your mom is suspicious of your good mood but you’re like aw it’s nothin just had a good day at school made lots of friends !!!!!!

as summer turns into fall you make more friends but you mostly hang out with the boys because they’re funny and nice to you and also Mark is there and we love our boy

you guys all attend football games together and go absolutely ALL OUT for whatever the theme is

for example: the theme was halloween and you all dressed as god damn SMURFS

it was legendary there was not one bit of you all that wasn’t covered in blue paint

jisung almost fought some girl who thought he was from the movie Avatar until everyone was like jisung cHILL OUT ITS NOT HER FAULT YOURE VERY TALL AND COMPLETELY BLUE

and well

can’t argue with that

it gets chillier though so you all bring blankets and cuddle most of the games

all of the boys suspiciously aren’t cold at first until you and mark share a blanket

they’re so obvious GOD

with each time y’all share you get more relaxed around each other until eventually mark has one arm slung around you and your legs are hooked over one of his thighs while y’all Snuggle

renjun waggles his eyebrows at you every five minutes and you discreetly give him the finger every time

little ASSHOLE

college applications are due like. right now

you all apply to a nice university close by as a backup/safe place and then apply to more brazy places just to see if you can get in

everyone’s been real stressed lately so you’re like !!!!! hey imma throw a friendsgiving party !!! yeehaw !!!!!!!!!

and you invite all of them over

“everyone bring smth and i’ll bake a ham or smth,,, i swear to GOD if all of you show up with store-bought pumpkin pie. i will kill you and then myself”

“what’s with you and pumpkin pie?”

“jUST. don’t”

((((srry i’m projecting my hatred of pumpkin pie onto u reader heheehehheh))))

everyone comes over and it’s really chilly so you have a fire in the fireplace and you have a couple of your gal pals over too

your mom is nice enough to leave y’all alone for the night and she’s not hurt since it’s not real thanksgiving

we stan moms

you bring out the ham and someone has brought green beans and mark ,,,, tHAT ANGEL he brought cornbread stuffing do y’all know what i’m talking abt

OOO THAT STUFF IS GOOD

and there’s sweet potatoes and apple pie and all the Thanksgiving Essentials

jisung wanted to be a dick so he brought cranberry jelly

“why don’t you have some:) cranberry preserves:) , jisung” -you, every 30 seconds

everyone sits down to eat and it’s LOUD so you’re like shut UP !!!!!!!!!!

“every1 say smth ur thankful for :3333”

“my family !!!!”

“you guys <3”

“awW BOOO” - everyone, while throwing things at jaemin

“my life !!”

“that i’m happy”

“gay” -chenle

“minecraft”

anyways no one took it seriously until it got to mark

“i’m grateful y/n moved here :))))))”

everyone goes KSKDDIDI and you blush and you’re like okay ily mark JSKKD

everyone EATS A LOT and then you go sit in a pile in the living room

you go to make hot chocolate for everyone and when you come back it’s , interesting how there’s only room for you next to mark . hm

you pass out the hot chocolate and everyone reaches Maximum Sleepytime

at this point you’re too tired to give a fuck and you just flop onto the couch next to mark and curl up into his side

he puts his arm around you to pull you close and this mf presses a tiny barely there kiss to your temple

you look up and like talk with your eyes

did u just

i did

oh

yeah

and then you just settle back down

it’s too crowded in here for any Moves to be Made

bUT YALL BEST BELIEVE WHEN ALL THESE YOUNGINS GET OUT UR HOUSE

you’ve got the karate kid on bc ??? who doesn’t love the karate kid and all of your cutie friends are asleep in various places

but once it gets super late you start waking people up and going hey i love you but your mom called mine like 8 times you gotta gO

you make sure everyone is awake fully if they’re driving and to text you when they got home safe

at long last

you’re alone

in your house

with mark

actually where is mark

mark has disappeared ?????

you start looking around for him and find him in your room ???

“you snoopin thru my things ??!?!??”

he jumps and is like uHH but you’re like nah you’re fine idc

so he continues and he was really just lookin at what kind of books you have and the little drawings and paintings and knick knacks everywhere

you just sit on your bed and observe him

let’s be real he’s nice to look at and you’d be perfectly fine doing this for uhhh the rest of your life

he pulls a book off your shelf and starts flipping through it until he pauses at a page

and his face blooms into this big smile and he looks hella giddy

and you’re like uhh hey whatcha lookin at there bud

and he just keep smiling and it’s a little smug now wtf

“when were you reading this?”

“oh uh i don’t know i got it this summer at that cute little bookshop”

“was it, by chance, the day we met?”

“i mean maybe??? why ????”

and he shows you the page and it’s tHAT oNE WHERE YOU WERE DOODLING BITS OF HIM AND WRITING HIS NAME ALL OVER IT

FUCK !!!!!!!

you immediately turn tomato red and snatch the book in to hold it tightly to your chest

“uhhh i do that with uhhhh eVerYONE I MEET”

“aw i thought i was special:((((”

he’s creeping closer to you this whole time until he’s INCHES AWAY

he gently pulls the book out of your hands and places it aside before grabbing your wrists and uncrossing your arms

“personally, i think it’s really cute”

you blush even more this man knows what he’s doing

you mumble a thanks with your eyes trained on his fuzzy socks what a dork

he releases one of your wrists to push your chin up so he can look you in the eyes

“do you really do that with everyone you meet?”

“,,,,,,, no it’s just you”

“alright cool”

and then he wraps his arms around your waist to pull you close til you’re pressed together chest to chest AW

he nudges his nose against yours and you close your eyes because your god daMN HEART IS POUNDING AND YOU CANT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THOSE BIG PUPPY EYES

he presses the sweetest and gentlest of kisses to each cheek and then to the top of your nose

he presses one last lingering kiss on your forehead before he tilts his chin down to press your lips together

it’s so soft and innocent wow i’m going to SHED TEARS WRITING THIS

and he pulls away and you press your face into his neck in embarrassment

he chuckles a lil and rubs your back, leaning his cheek against your head

“hey, you down there”

you say “yeah?” but your voice is muffled by his neck and it’s more like eh ???

“my girlfriend y/n will you be ???”

what the fuck

you pull your head back so you can look at his face which is turning steadily redder

“uh what”

“shIT uh i meant will you uh bemygirlfriend”

your confused expression turns into a shit eating grin and you’re like

“what was that :)))) i didn’t hear you :)))))”

he groans and rests his forehead on your shoulder and pitifully whines out

“please be my girlfriend :(((((“

you pick his face up and hold it between your palms and he pouts playfully

“well how could i say no to that face”

and you smooch him right on those lil pouted lips

“yes i’ll be your girlfriend”

he smiles real big and smooshes you against him aw

wow so now you’re mark lee’s gf

LUCKY BITCH

lowkey you get a few threats but as soon as mark catches wind of that he stands on the statue in front of the school and announces that if anyone has a problem with you they’ve got a problem with him !!!!

and he looks like: ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

you drag him down while apologizing to everyone in the general vicinity

mark is. veRY CLINGY NOW

i mean no complaints here it’s just

wow

you’ll be standing at your locker when BAM mark is wrapped around you from behind and you get a hey baby how’s ur day right in your ear

in gym class he restrains himself since the coaches are always like LEE KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF

but he always whines after and is like

:((((( but you look so cute in my shirt i wanna squish you

whenever mark comes over you force him to let you draw him at least once

each time it gets easier since you’ve started to memorize the details of his face and the knuckles of his hands and the shape of his shoulders

a lot of times he just comes over to watch movies and talk

he’s not an eloquent guy

(“you all look like pretty grass :)))” - mark lee)

but he gets what he needs to say out and he enjoys listening to you talk about whatever’s on your mind

you’ve started a glow in the dark star sticker collection to put on your ceiling and each time he comes over you put a constellation up there

so you’ll lay in bed and turn off the lights and just stare at the ceiling and try to name them all

soon you’ll just get sleepy though and press your face into his chest

he uwu’s every time :((((

after he’s done being astonished by his Baby™️ he’ll wrap his arms around you and stroke a hand up and down your spine wow

Real Relaxation Hours

your mom will come home and find y’all asleep and then SHE uwu’s and it’s just one big cute MESS

he loves to kiss you right as he’s leaving like he’ll lay one on you then RUN to the bus stop

p.s. maurice is on y’all every day saying he called it AY

his other favorite kisses are when he catches you off guard and just turns you around and kisses you and you’re like

I’m Confused But I Like This

lots of sweet pecks throughout the day and then longer slower stuff when you’re home and alone and relaxing

leaves hickeys on your neck literally just to be annoying

it’s oKAY THO DONT TELL HIM YOU LIKE IT

months pass and youve said your first “i love you’s” to each other and renjun is always like so when y’all gettin married huh

you both SMACK him simultaneously

but lowkey you would marry mark he’s the best and you love him so wHY NOT

but it’s early and you know that and you’re happy with what you have now :))))))

pls love and support our hardworking baby mark lee he is doing his best and i love him goodnight

[tragedy-machine]

Hey Alice I hope you answer this because I am too shy to approach you off anon. I love art and have loved it since I was three. I am thinking of starting an art blog on tumblr where I would post both originals and fan arts. Do you have any suggestions? How can I reach more audience and make friends? What about time management?

Hi baby! First of all I’m so flattered you consider me qualified enough to answer any of these lol

Second of all, these are all my suggestions

My general advice for starting an art blog: 

- don’t be so hard on yourself! No matter what, remember that you’re doing it for fun and whether you don’t get a lot of feedback or think you’re not good enough or are stressing out about posting regularly, you just gotta take a second to relax and remember that everything just takes time. You will improve, you will get more feedback, you will get better at keeping a schedule, you just have to be able to give yourself time

- you won’t always be in a mood for creating art and that’s okay. Sure, draw as often as you can but sometimes you have to take a break. On the other hand, I found that when my slump continues for more than a week and it’s not because I’ve been busy but rather just unmotivated, I try to find an easy idea and push myself a little to start drawing even if I’m feeling lazy. That usually does the trick and then I get into it again. It’s also always easier to come back to a wip or a sketch rather than start from nothing so just doing a simple layout one day will make coming back to it the next day so much easier

- if you’re serious about improving, you have to prioritize art in your schedule. I’m personally still struggling with time management and adjusting to my new work. What helps me is putting on a tv show on netflix on my phone or a youtube video/podcast/audiobook in the background while you draw, so you still can keep yourself entertained and feel like you’re just chilling instead of working

- finding a community and people who support you will always be the biggest motivation to draw, at least for me. It’s really satisfying to see people enjoy your stuff or to exchange ideas with other creators, so if you can do that, I’d suggest you start off like that (that’s why fanart is great)

- and lastly, there’s no need to be afraid to start an art blog! Judgement of strangers on the internet means absolutely nothing to you irl and if someone you know personally wants to follow you while you don’t feel comfortable with that, you can always just refuse/don’t tell them you’ve started an art blog. I have flat out told someone I don’t know them well enough to show them my art blog yet and they’ve been very understanding and chill about it

About reaching a bigger audience:

- use relevant hashtags (but don’t crosstag), that’s the easiest way to a bigger audience. If you consider starting an instagram page as well, participate in as many drawing events as you can! Many artist do features event when they reach a certain number of followers, or recently the #drawitinyourstyle was popular, and you can always find something in the #drawingchallenge or #featurefriday

- draw fanarts for other people’s aus or fanfics, but don’t force yourself to do it. If a fic inspires you and you genuinely love it and don’t only want to gain followers, draw smth for it, let it happen naturally because people can usually tell when it isn’t

- be prepared that, especially on tumblr, original art will get way fewer notes than fanarts, but you said you wanna do them as well, so you’re all good! That’s the best way to find a community and grow from there

- if you wanna make friends with other people in the fandom you can start by commenting on their work, leaving feedback, asking questions. After a while there’s a chance they’ll notice your engagement. Another great way is to just dm someone about a post they’ve made if you have more thoughts about it and then just carry the convo from there. I guarantee you nobody’s gonna turn you down if you just randomly message them, it’s usually super nice for the creator and the worst thing that can happen is that they’ll respond late, or with more popular blogs there’s a chance they won’t respond at all, but that’s okay! You weren’t being annoying, they just get a lot of other messages all the time. You can always try next time. Ofc you can also participate in any fan events that interest you or join the discord server if that’s your cup of tea

I think that’s all from me for now, I hope it helped you a little and if there’s anything more I can do, please don’t be afraid to hit me up again!

[littleaprilcherryblossom]

Ask sent by @holy-hyuck

you're planning on doing postgraduate? that's cool! i wanted to too but i decided that psychology isn't really for me so when i finish my degree i'll move onto something else. well, hopefully there will be a similar opportunity at your uni of choice, even if it's not to Australia. is there another country you'd like to visit? i always wanted to go to Spain that's really bad, yeah, but i'm no surprised to be honest, it's been over a year now, the constant lockdowns and isolation are really depressing, a lot of people's mental health problems probably got worse, i'm glad i could have a semi-normal life during the first lockdown that sucks, i would have gone insane haha, how have you handled things then? i had my full first semester at uni and then spent 4 months at home which sucked, but i did actually enjoy being at home so it wasn't that bad i'm definitely making that now! i'm such a sucker for pasta dishes, and always down to try something new too. also, coffee cookies sound delicious! oh! does that mean you're finishing your degree now? or is your course 4 years or longer? well, now you have the rest of the summer off so at least that's a relief. i guess i don't know that level of stress level yet since it's my first year and the exams were easier because of covid (since they weren't in person i didn't really have to memorise anything) that's good to hear. i'd love to go to pride one day too, but i honestly don't even know where they're happening. maybe in the near future i'll be able to go. i think as soon as i wrote that it started to rain haha. the weather is kinda meh now, will be for another week or two with a few exceptions, it will either rain or just not be sunny. i don't mind the cool wether with some wind after those heatwaves but it's not sunny at all and i'm kinda feeling demotivated by it. that's understandable. if i'm not offered the vaccine throughout the summer i'll probably get it as soon as i get to uni. let me know how the trip goes! and that sounds cute, is it volunteering? i've been home for almost a month now, it's crazy because it really doesn't feel like it. i haven't even cleaned my room since i got here 😅

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swear I don't get notified when these come in my askbox 😭

Yes I plan on doing either a postgraduate or smth else because with just a degree in geography there is no job you're really qualified for :(( and yeah I also hope I'll get another opportunity to do an exchange but I have no idea where I want to go... I will look at the programm of the degree first and then look at the country I guess.. I really really want to go to South America one day but there is not one soecific country I would like to go to, maybe Brazil but rather not for studies because idk if they have degrees in English (my portugese is really bad haha)

I wish you the best in your future, I hope you find something you like to do soon enough ! And also that you will be able to go to Spain ! (I would also like to visit one day 😊)

Yes I definetly became a couch potato over the months and I am happy to finally be able to go out "normally" again and just get my mind off all the bad and stressful things I had to deal with 😭 I almost didn't go out the whole year, I had classes in peeson in September and beginning October abd then we had the second wave so there was a new lockdown and from there I only got out to go to my exams in January and once a week to buy groceries, aside feom that I really did not go out. And yeah that was okay at first but over the months I realized I had lost motivation to go outside and exercise and just get out of bed so that's kinda bad...

Yes I am finished with my degree 😭 let's just hope I pass now 😭😭😭 I am so tired of uni I really need a break...

Prides usually happen in bigger cities and since they're organized events you can easily find the dates on the city's website !

Lmao here the weather is just a big joke, the last two weeks it was impossibly hot, like I thought I was gonna die of overheating (36 degrees C in my room at night with the window open and the fan, it was impossible to bring fresh air in no matter how hard I tried so I was happy to escape and go ro my parent's house for a week, today I'm going back to my student residence tho but it's been very rainy and stormy for a few days now and the temperatures dropped haha

Yeah same ! I am planning on doing a voluntary service next year to take a break from uni, so I'll try to be vaccinated until then 😅 and yeah the camp I'm helping at is pretty much voluntary but I don't have anything to pay for the accomodation, transport and food so it's kinda worth going for the experience ! The kids are usually nice, the place is next to a forwst on a small mountain, it's really nice honestly !

I'll let you know !! Next week I'm also going on a 4 days trip with a few people feom my residence :) we're going camping in a place called Taizé (a place where many religious people from all around the world come to pray and just take time to think and rest) and then we will also soend two days in Switzerland near Geneva :)

[hidewari]

Your review for chapter 143 please. No Hide in this chapter but I suppose it's not a big deal. It means he's still safe and sound.

@nitsuki-baka said:I think this abrupt ending is pretty good and strong, even if everyone seems to hate it. There is Kaneki who worked so hard for this moment but has still has to realise that everything can be gone within a second. And the desperation that he still had to make him crawl, I cried my eyes out. Hyped for the next bit we’ll get.

anonymous said:do you think the “GAME OVER” could have meant that there is going to be a new start/new beginning for kaneki? the caterpillar thing also makes me think he’ll change again into smth else and have a new beginning. And that that’s what we’ll see in part 3? maybe one where hide shows up and instigates a reform in kaneki’s group and leadership into something better yk?

anonymous said:Reading the spoilers of chapter 143 makes me feel like we’re going to have a trilogy. Especially the way Furuta is acting.

Alright, so I read both the MS and JB translations twice to try and understand the chapter as well as I could and hopefully catch on to anything I might have missed and I think I have a bit to say on the direction I think the series is going to take now.

This chapter has been the big turning point that I think Kaneki really needs to push him in the right direction. He took up the role of the One Eyed King, and that means that he has a whole lot of responsibility on his shoulders whether he likes it or not, and I’ve mentioned before how most of his decisions as King have mostly just been influenced by his emotions. (I’ve given these examples before, but for those who haven’t seen, a couple examples would be when Kaneki wanted to endanger their mission by talking with Amon and another would be his refusal to kill Hajime which essentially lead to the twenty fourth being attacked. Both times Kaneki’s actions have been criticised by Ayato and Tsukiyama respectively. To me, this shows an awareness by the series that this is a major flaw of Kaneki’s which he’s chosen to ignore.)

Kaneki made yet another decision based on his emotions to return to the twenty fourth ward (because he has a “bad feeling”) and that decision went abysmally wrong. To me, this is actually a good thing for Kaneki’s character. This devastation has now been a direct result of his original emotionally driven decision not to kill Hajime, and now, his second emotionally driven decision to return to the twenty fourth ward has resulted in Furuta’s supposed victory.

He’s now not only having to face the fact that he has these flaws as a result of the situation, but it’s also blatantly laid out for him by Furuta himself.

Kaneki is finally being forced to face these flaws that he has in his leadership and the way that he approaches and tackles situations. Even as King, knowing that he’s responsible for the lives of hundreds, even thousands, he still too often thinks of himself and does things for selfish reasons, even if he doesn’t know it.

He only takes the side of ghouls because he wants to protect those who are close to him. He doesn’t really care for the unification of species in and of itself, he only cares about it because it would put the people he cares for in a better position and make them safe.

And this always reminds me of the scene in chapter 120 of Tokyo Ghoul where Touka confronts Kaneki about this exact motive and indicates exactly how it is driven by Kaneki’s own selfishness.

Kaneki still hasn’t moved on from this mindset, and even he himself acknowledges that this makes him a terrible leader, yet he appears to have no desire to change this, presumably because he doesn’t realise that it’s the exact reason why he could be putting the people he cares about in trouble.

In fact, I think it still isn’t clear to him what his role as leader should be. He still isn’t looking at the big picture, and seems to only focus on his own role within all of this, which is ironically inhibiting him from being able to take up the position that he wants to and become the leader that he has to in order to achieve his goals.

He touches his chin when he tells Hinami that he’ll be right behind her; at least a part of him knows that he isn’t going to make it out of this, but I think he’s made himself content with that. This is the moment he claims to have been living for; this is the moment he finally gets to protect everyone he loves. This is the moment that he shows himself as a true leader, by becoming a martyr to protect the ones he loves.

It may have appeared that he had chosen to live alongside Touka, but the reality is that he never really moved on from that mindset he had back in cochlea; wanting to die “in style” for the sake of someone else.

This much is clear in his dialogue in this chapter.

He says he’s been living for this day, this day that he seems to apparently realise he won’t be able to survive, but he’s content with that. All this time, he never really moved on from wanting to protect others with his life; that’s been his motivation since the beginning of the series, and it still is, and although this isn’t exactly a negative thing, it is preventing him from seeing the bigger picture. His desire is still the same, just he’s shifted his focus from death to life.

He’s so concerned with himself in this situation; he wants to defeat Furuta, and in his death, he’ll be able to protect all those who are close to him, but he isn’t considering what his role as King really means beyond this. Killing Furuta isn’t just going to magically bring about the unification of humans and ghouls; it isn’t going to guarantee the safety of those close to him. As King, as a leader, there is so much more work to be done, but Kaneki fails to really see his role in this in perspective as a result of his bias.

That’s why I think this whole chapter’s themes have been a pivotal point for Kaneki’s character. Not only is he forced to come face to face with the fact that his methods are inefficient, but we also get more subtle symbolism.

Firstly, as some have pointed out, Furuta’s referral to Kaneki as a caterpillar could be foreshadowing of a coming transformation he may make, a metamorphosis, which links to Franz Kafka’s story of the same name which Kaneki’s story has been compared to before.

Not only that, but the butterfly has been a symbol of positive change in the series before, and assuming we are currently in the Judgement arc, this points to significant development and flourishing in Kaneki’s character to come, which brings me onto why I think there will be a third part and how this will line up with the Fool’s journey.

Judgement is a card which calls for a period of self-reflection and self-evaluation. Kaneki is now being forced reflect and evaluate his approach, and this is the key to his fulfilment. The Judgement card calls for a moment in someone’s life in which they “come to a point of deep understanding about the common themes throughout [their] life and what [they] can do or change to avoid these situations in the future.”

“The Judgement card suggests that you have had a recent epiphany or an ‘awakening’ where you have come to a realisation that you need to live your life in a different way and you need to be true to yourself and your needs. You have opened yourself up to a new possibility – to lead a fulfilling life that serves your higher needs and that offers inspiration and hope to others. You feel as though you have had a ‘calling’ in life, and you are getting much closer to the point where you need to take action. Something that was lying dormant within you, some unconscious knowledge or truth is finally being awakened and brought into the light.”

“The Fool has been reborn.

His false, ego-self has been shed, allowing his radiant, true self to manifest. He has discovered that joy, not fear, is at life’s centre.

The Fool feels absolved. He forgives himself and others, knowing that his real self is pure and good. He may regret past mistakes, but he knows they were due to his ignorance of his true nature. He feels cleansed and refreshed, ready to start anew.

It is time for the Fool to make a deeper Judgement (20) about his life. His own personal day of reckoning has arrived. Since he now sees himself truly, he can make the necessary decisions about the future. He can choose wisely which values to cherish, and which to discard.”

To me, this is reminiscent of this piece of art which foreshadows this awakening with the caption “I stand here with my past self,” indicating that Kaneki has moved on from his past self and his old mindset, ready to start anew.

Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul:re are the stories of the Fool’s journey on his path to personal development and self-fulfilment. Judgement is the second to last stage of the Fool’s journey, so that may leave you asking, what could come after this to warrant a third part?

I believe a third part to the series would serve as “the World” stage of the Fool’s journey. Though Kaneki’s journey of self-development and fulfilment comes to an end in Tokyo Ghoul:re, the third instalment should be about how he uses this fulfilment and flourishing to make his influence on the World and finally pursue the goal he’s established as the One Eyed King. The Fool’s own personal journey ends with Tokyo Ghoul:re, but that just means that he’s now ready to begin his influence on the world.

“The Fool reenters the World (21), but this time with a more complete understanding. He has integrated all the disparate parts of himself and achieved wholeness. He has reached a new level of happiness and fulfilment

The Fool experiences life as full and meaningful. The future is filled with infinite promise. In line with his personal calling, he becomes actively involved in the world. He renders service by sharing his unique gifts and talents and finds that he prospers at whatever he attempts. Because he acts from inner certainty, the whole world conspires to see that his efforts are rewarded. His accomplishments are many.

So the Fool’s Journey was not so foolish after all. Through perseverance and honesty, he reestablished the spontaneous courage that first impelled him on his search for Self, but now he is fully aware of his place in the world. This cycle is over, but, the Fool will never stop growing. Soon he will be ready to begin a new journey that will lead him to ever greater levels of understanding.”